Your Collective - Mind, Body & Spiritual Balance

Monica’s Story of Resilience, Faith, and Self-Love

• Sherisse Alexander • Season 1 • Episode 13

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What if embracing your true identity could unlock the doors to your greatest transformations? Join me, Sherisse Alexander, as I reconnect with my dear friend Monica Adeniken-Scott to explore her inspiring journey from a 42-year-old Nigerian-Canadian-American woman to a global citizen and master stylist. Monica opens up about the emotional and physical hurdles she's overcome, including moving to the Cayman Islands, losing 250 pounds, and navigating the complexities of PCOS, geriatric pregnancy, and IVF. Together, we reflect on the bittersweet nature of living abroad while staying deeply connected to our roots.

Monica’s story is one of unwavering resilience and self-discovery. We delve into her transformative path, shedding light on the societal perceptions tied to "skinny privilege" and the powerful role of faith in her journey. From breaking free of traditional religious stereotypes to embracing a balanced, authentic spirituality, Monica's experiences underscore the importance of maintaining faith and confidence. We also touch on deeper issues, such as the impact of cultural environments on personal growth, the nuances of true friendship, and the journey toward self-love and authenticity.

This heartfelt conversation also celebrates Monica's professional achievements, including being honored during Cayman Art Week and her ambitions for future ventures. We discuss the evolution of friendships, the importance of community, and the joy of co-creating a life filled with purpose and passion. Tune in to hear how Monica has paved new paths in her field, navigated personal setbacks, and emerged with genuine confidence and a relentless pursuit of growth. Whether you're seeking inspiration or a heartfelt story of transformation, this episode offers invaluable insights and a testament to the power of mutual support and self-improvement.

Sherisse Alexander:

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, wherever you might be when you're listening to this. My name is Sherisse Alexander, your host of Your Collective. On today's episode, I'll be joined by my good friend, Monica Adeniken-Scott, where she'll share her journey and the work that she's done over the last couple of years to have not only a astounding physical change but a shift in her mental mindset and how she now approaches life. So, without further delay, let's dive in. Thank you so much. Today on the episode we have Monica Adenikin-Scott, one of my oldest friends. I've known Monica for Ever yeah, Forever Easily over 20 years.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

Oh, actually almost 30. I'm pretty sure, actually, no over 30 because I am 42, and I'm pretty sure actually no over 30 because I am 42, and I'm pretty sure that I met you when I was about 14, 13 or 14.

Sherisse Alexander:

I'm trying to age myself like that I'm sorry.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

I'm sorry, I'm not trying to do that, so honest oh, my god, we're old.

Sherisse Alexander:

I mean no, no, no, no. I don't use that kind of verbiage, I use wise. I'm wise we're mature, aging no, I don't use that kind of verbiage either.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

I'm loving it. I do my husband's like. You speak a lot of things that don't exist and I was like my back, Okay, Just that. Like my back and my knees. That's all I have to say.

Sherisse Alexander:

You know, for the folks that are listening today, one of the reasons why I felt it would be very valuable to have you join us is because you are genuinely one of the most beautiful people I've ever met in my entire life. Thought that you were one of those beautiful people inside and out, regardless of how big you were, how small you were, whether you were wearing makeup, whether you weren't wearing makeup, whether you were being an absolute fucking bitch or if you were being sweet as pie.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

I have always loved you I am really terrible at taking compliments, even though, like I think I've been doing it my whole life, really fakely, like now as an adult, um, really like taking in what people are saying to me and how they're blessing me with their words. It is such a phenomenal thing to hear how people feel about you and it's funny because I I mirror the same feeling towards you my whole life. I've always been like, when I get older, I just want to be like Sharice. You know, I just want to like like Tamika. My cousin Tamika and you and my mom are like the three women that I always put on this like pedestal of like, okay, like that's the level of maturity as a woman that I want to get to. That kind of grace, that type of like real, true, genuine, always. I'm a true seeker by my nature, but trying to seek that like that level of yourself that is the next level was something that I've always seen you do and I've always admired it so much in you and it actually really inspired so much of my myself and I think we all inspire each other without really knowing you know like my desire to like travel the world and like from such a young age and not be settled down anywhere. I feel like it's inspired so many of my sisters and friends to travel the world and do different things and not be stuck conventionally inside their little box of like what they thought their life was going to be. And so I think the coolest thing is genuinely seeing, as an adult woman, what I missed so so easily when I was younger. You know, in the women that were around me and how important it is to actually honor how, um how, we view each other and how much we respect and love each other. You know it's it's actually amazing, and I'm I am so grateful to be here. You know, this journey for me has been amazing.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

Actually, getting to speak in different platforms and share my story has been amazing, and also to like who even am I. You know what I mean. For me to have the opportunity for so many people to hear what I have to say and to care about it number one and also to be able to inform people in such a way that it actually is influential, is crazy to me. I have been honored in so many ways. I'm not going to get to talk to you about all of that this year. In so many different ways I've been honored in the community in which I live in the Cayman Islands, but also just like on a global level, getting to take my experience and what I've been able to create and turn it into something that is a global brand and is making headway in huge ways, and I'm actually influencing the community in which I live, which is all I ever wanted to do, I think, canada. I was more of a small fish in a little bit of a bigger pond without really understanding what that meant, and now I am a bigger fish in a smaller pond and all of the years of work that I put into all of those other environments is manifesting itself into some amazing, amazing, amazing things right now. So I'm just so grateful to get to share that with you, and also I miss you Genuinely from my heart.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

The hardest thing about choosing to live abroad, as you know, is that you don't get to have that connection with the people that you love, the way that we used to just like roll up on each other and go to each other's houses and pull up and coming over, going to get some wine or whatever, and we don't have that. You know what I mean and also, too, I think, as an adult, it's a lot easier to not communicate than it is to communicate. You know, doing your daily life starts to take over, in a way that the selfishness of choosing your you becomes the way that you communicate with others too, which is selfishly. So I am sorry about that because, selfishly, I've been taking a lot of time in the last few years to really get my shit together, and now that I have, I actually am committing myself, recommitting myself to better communication with my sisters, and I'm building some new friendships, because a bitch is tired and bored.

Sherisse Alexander:

I know that you need to apologize. You know I've equally done the same thing and I'm glad you brought it up because I remember the time that you've spent in Cayman. And then you came back, and then you went to Cayman and then you came back and then it was like and I remember this last time when you went, you were like it was the dark before the dawn, it was absolutely the dark before the dawn, and you were like I'm just going to come home. Don't you fucking dare. Do not come home, you stay there.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

You remember how upset I was when I called you in I do.

Sherisse Alexander:

I do remember and I was like you are beyond miserable in Edmonton in Canada, like there's nothing there for you and I knew that there was a lot there for you, obviously friends and family. But the point was is like in my gut, in my being, I felt like you're almost there, like you're like standing, you're like at that one yard line and you're going to try and like spike the ball here, like you can't do it, so just stay and aren't you glad you did Because literally right after that, like I think, within nine, not even 90 days, but literally right around the corner, all this amazingness started unfolding in your life, like I think you were even pitching yourself like, oh my gosh, what's going on in my life?

Sherisse Alexander:

It's just amazing.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

It's all happening. You know that line it's all happening. And you're like when I used to read people talk about like when the moment would happen in their life where it all just came together myself. I'm a bad bitch, I got this, I can take care of myself, I can travel the world and I've lived everywhere by myself and I don't need no man and all that stupidness. And I had convinced myself of that for such a long time that I didn't really think that love would be the thing that would change me, even though I believe that my love would be the thing that would change other people.

Sherisse Alexander:

It's just like well, love actually needs to begin with yourself, right.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

And I think that's the piece that was missing. Yeah. That was genuinely yeah, I loved other people to the point of my own exhaustion, but I didn't love myself at all.

Sherisse Alexander:

Yeah, so for those, for those listeners who don't know anything about you. Um, why don't you give you, know, uh, a high level of, I mean, your story? There's so many things that you can talk about. Um, sorry.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

We could do three or four of these if we wanted to really go there.

Sherisse Alexander:

Exactly so. For those who don't know you, don't know your story, give us an overview. Like who are you up to this point in the journey?

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

Well, I am a 42 year old Nigerian, canadian, american mixed race butterfly and I would consider myself a global citizen, although I was born in Canada, I don't really consider myself to be a Canadian that way, like I'm grateful for the passport, but my international swag is probably my claim to fame because I've just always been ready to move. I am a master stylist and licensed trichologist. I have been doing hair for about 30 years. I am an extroverted introvert, I think, or introverted extrovert I don't know how to describe myself, except that I like to be extroverted at work and all that kind of stuff, but I'm a little bit more reserved at home, kind of vibes. But I am just this journey of exploration of self.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

I've been on a weight loss journey for the last, I would say, 42 years. Just joking, just joking. Really, over the last five years I you you know did a lot of different things. I tried keto and paleo and carnivore and all the diets and I had. I think I got kind of stuck around 2019 in keto and doing um intermittent fasting and stuff, and I I had been on this journey of you know pcos, with people call it picos and stuff like that, but um polycystic ovarian syndrome. I had been on this journey of you know, pcos, with people call it PCOS and stuff like that, but polycystic ovarian syndrome. I have been on a weight loss journey over the last, you know, three years or so, very consistently. I decided to take my life into my own hands and change my life. So I have been on a weight loss journey and I've lost about 250 pounds and so in.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

Thank you, sister, I really appreciate the support.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

Honestly, it's taken a lot to do it. I think the level of commitment that it takes to really give your life back to yourself is something that people don't really talk about very much. And, um, so I've just been on this amazing journey of self-discovery of what it means to be the pretty people, what it means to live in skinny privilege because that is something that definitely exists and what it means to exist in this body as the person I always was but never got to present, and presenting as my natural, real, real self what that actually feels like. And I think I better understand transgenders and like people who exist in that plane of feeling dysmorphic, because I've had this experience. So I just I'm taking this opportunity to share my journey really openly and honestly, through IVF, through just like trying to do geriatric pregnancy while not feeling geriatric in any way, shape or form. I am, I believe, benjamin Buttoning myself. So this has just been a remarkable experience and I want to share my journey with other people so that I can help people not give up on themselves.

Sherisse Alexander:

I'm going to ask you a question that maybe seems obvious, but again, remember, I started this by saying I always thought you were beautiful. In conversations you've definitely said to me, like you never told me, I was a fat bitch. I'm like I didn't see your size.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

I did not see it. I did not see it.

Sherisse Alexander:

Okay, let me not be completely ignorant and be like okay, I thought you were teeny, tiny, like size zero. No, that's not what I'm saying. But what I'm saying is is I always saw beyond that. I always saw you. I always saw beyond that. It didn't define you and in my mind I was. So when you talk about disconnect, are you legit saying that like, like, what was that like?

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

I, I am still looking at my. When I look at myself, like even in the viewfinder right now, like I have you big and me small and I'm just like staring at myself in the thing and I'm like who is that? Like it's weird for me. I think the the thing about being able to look back, like when you look at yourself in your past, you get to look back and you see a younger version of yourself, right, and like that's it, because you're not fatter, I mean maybe within like a couple of pounds, because you've had children and stuff like that. You are a little bit bigger, but you don't really like. You look the exact same, like when I look at you, I see you, right, I've always seen you, your genuine spirit. Everything has always manifested itself and looked exactly the same.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

And your soul, even though it's gotten more mature over the years, you were always an old soul. You always, even at 19,. This Charuti existed and you were our like rock stone, like every single one of us in the, in our friend group and in all of your friend groups. And how many different friend groups you had. Like it's crazy to me to actually think about the fact that you've always been such the exact same person like and I can say that with all honesty. Like, as much as you've changed and metamorphosized and grown, it's been on a spiritual level. It's been athletically like.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

I watched you go. Remember the time when you were like, for you were doing like the like 45 hard, but that was like your entire life. Yeah, you've always been a go hard like. You know what I mean, and I would like sit back and watch people like you and be like, oh geez, that's crazy. That sure you can get up at five o'clock in the morning, go to the gym twice in a day and raise all these children and do all these things and plus working and doing all these things. I thought you were crazy. And now, while I'm doing the same things and living very much the same life, old me could have never conceptualized that that would have been a thing or even a possibility, because I used to honor that in you so much. I admired it. But it was also a thing that made me like go the other direction, because I was like so ambivalent towards what that meant and how much hard work it meant to really commit myself to living my life like that and watching you and Mike, um, be such hard go-getters and stuff like that was just.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

It was disgusting to me at that point in my life. I was just like why would they do such hard work like I? I don't understand, what are they doing with themselves? Why, yeah, I was like, what are you guys doing? Like, why are we going out to party? You're like no, I got to sleep, I got to get my rejuvenation, I got to do this, I got to do that. I was like, oh my God, like Sharidi is living an adult life. When we were like kids, right, like from a very young, and like I was just looking at you at 15 years old, like this bitch is crazy, like she's amazing and now, and even when you had the twins, like I just watched you be a single mom and a full-time like everything, and like I, I just I lived in awe of you at that time.

Sherisse Alexander:

You know, and I think, like looking back those things, though that you just you do what you need to do when you have to do it, and the reality is is.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

I think I do think that I agree with you, but you're extra level, like I don't know if people like, if, like I, I wish in your. I've watched a couple of your podcasts now and like I love that you focus on the people that are on your show. But like the reason why we're all on your show is because of you, right, and like what love that you focus on the people that are on your show. But like the reason why we're all on your show is because of you, right, and like what you mean to all of us who we interact with you and get to know you. And like really love you. But like you're the rock, like you're the stone, like I'm telling you, uh, I don't, I don't really admire anybody like my mom, yes, and like a few other. There's not like I don't have admiration or idolatry towards people, but when I really go back in my mind and think about women who have an indelible impact on my life and have actually shaped and inspired who I am now watching your journey has been one of the things that has been the most inspirational things and even though I watch you fuck up, like I am like sis, you watched me do the exact same things and like. I think it's really cool to be able to look back and be like, wow, like old me was 500 pounds and didn't see myself. I never even knew I was fat because inside I was always this me. So I don't know how to explain that to people, but I think I'm going to try and use this opportunity, while I have this platform, to explain dysmorphic thinking to people a little bit more, so people can understand that I was always this Monica. Inside. The outside was like, encased in trauma and generational curses and a lot of stigma and also a lot of like self, like prophesy, like I. I created that I bad mind myself into being a giant michelin man and while I did that I enjoyed all of the like I.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

In nigeria they call this thing obolobo. You know when they obo, like the guy when you have a big oga, like he's just a big fat, he's eating. You know he's just a big thing. Yeah, and like there's this thing in Nigeria, like when you're fat, it means you're eating well, it means you're rich, you know you've done well, look at you, you, you know. But like in real reality in Nigerian society, they don't really like it. When you're fat. They like as much as they will allow you to be plus size and they don't really say anything. It's better for you to to look like a woman of stature right, and I went into Nigeria. The one thing that was very interesting for me was that I didn't stand out anymore like for the first time my entire life. I was just like everybody else, like I looked like my regular Nigerian sisters. I was in the mall and I was looking.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

I was not extra, you know, like my extranet was not extra in any way in terms of, yeah, my loudness, yeah, my, I wasn't even loud in Nigeria. I was quiet, like I compared to the loudness of my other Nigerians. I was so quiet, and so what I realized is like where I am and where I'm from and all the things that sort of have made up this journey is such an interesting thing because I don't think I see myself the way other people see me, and I don't think I ever did. But hearing you say what you've said, my daughter, my husband, everybody else who's ever known me before, told me that they never saw me as fat. They always just saw my inside. And my sister told me that when she saw me for the first time in six years she said that it didn't feel like she was meeting me for the first time again, because who I was on the inside has always been who she saw, so she never saw the fact.

Sherisse Alexander:

That's how you know those are the people that really love you. And I almost want to cry about it because, like I, when you can see someone like genuinely see them, love them and know that you do know that it doesn't matter how, ain't like because there was a lot of that that people would get from you like this, this, just vitriol, there's no other, there's no other word for it. Like you were so angry and you were so hurt and you were so many things and it didn't matter, like for me. You could direct it at me and you didn't often, but when you did, I was just like okay, I know, she's not mad at me.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

Um, I'm gonna leave you. You're going to do your thing. Yeah, I know.

Sherisse Alexander:

But and that's the point that I'm getting at is like at this point, now you know those people who like, really loved you. They loved you, they loved your soul. You're who, who you are at your core. It didn't matter.

Sherisse Alexander:

It didn't make any difference, and so when I say to you, I'm genuinely so happy for you, even now, I can feel my heart center just glowing. I am so happy for all the blessings that have come into your world. I don't know anybody who deserves it more than you do, because you are the person who will give somebody the shirt off your back, and so thank you.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

I actually do it quite often.

Sherisse Alexander:

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you. I know that the body transformation has been one piece, yeah. The soul transformation has been the bigger piece, so let's talk about your soul transformation, because the one thing that I, you know, you and I talked maybe a week, 10 days ago, and the one thing that you've always had was your faith.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

Oh, my faith. Yeah, oh, that too. Confidence and faith, those were two things that I have always had in spades, which is really interesting. I think that God has always given me the confidence to be the way that I am, but my faith has been the thing that has been the cornerstone of my success and the reason why I think people fall in love with me as instantly as they meet me is because they see the God in me. You know, and I think that is the thing that I've always told everybody I'm like, if you like me, it's because you like God and you just don't know it. And for all of my friends that were non or spiritual, but not religious and stuff like that, I always wanted to hearken them, to look at me and see that I am.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

I drink Hennessy. Like I just told you when we first started this podcast, I'm, like, I'm hungover today. Like I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm hungover. Okay, I got to bed at 2am. I was dancing. I was dancing at 2am. It's now 7.40. Okay, over time I was dancing.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

So I like, when I think about, like the fact that we look at Christians or women who have faith and we're supposed to be pious and observant and ritualistic and and all these things, but we're not supposed to be outspoken or brash or sexy or informed or any of those other things that we are. It really took me away from being a super religious person and like going to church every Sunday to having church with myself and trying to better understand myself spiritually, because I have definitely been on a journey with God for many, many years, with him showing me myself and me being like you're wrong, I'm going to do it over here this way and, lord, I'm just, I'm going to prove you're wrong. I'm going to do it over here this way and, lord, I'm just I'm going to prove you're wrong. Hey, jesus, because you just don't know what you're talking about.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

And I did that for many, many years and, like relationship wise, I think that because I had chosen so many bad partners in the past and never really listened to God in terms of that, that all of those relationships were so distracting from whatever path God was really trying to send me on that I had to take the long road around, and I think it's because we don't see our life in linear, you know, we don't see our life in a straight line. God does, he sees everything around every corner and he can, you know he maps it out so he can help us get around those things. But because we don't see around the corners, we have to really trust God around those corners when we can't see, and to get to this next straight. You know, and for me, trusting God has been something that I've had to do, you know, through losing Carlos, through every thing that I've been through in my life. Every major hurdle was either something that I created for myself, that I had to then get over, or I had to experience, or to understand myself better now and to be able to really honor the woman that I am now and not judge her for her past mistakes, because I don't actually think I made any.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

I feel like every single thing that I ever did in this journey led me here, and I'm so grateful because blessings are finding me here. You know, blessings are finding me in this journey led me here and I'm so grateful because blessings are finding me here. You know, blessings are finding me in this moment, and so because I trusted God every single place, every single time he told me to go, every time that God said, okay, get on the flight. Every single time that God said okay, this is this, go take this work permit, go do this thing. And I was like I am being treated terribly here. They are racist, the people are mean, there's all these things and I want to go and travel further and I want to go to Africa, I want to go all these places and I want to do all these things and I'm going to live in Bora Bora. And then you tell God your plans and he just laughs at you, you know.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

And now I look at my married life, my successful, you know business and all these things that I'm building and my brand and all that stuff, and I think I think I thought I was supposed to have that at 22. You know, I believe that I was supposed to be famous and have this brand and have my own hair products and do all these things and be a teacher. And I started trying to teach when I was 21. I started writing books when I was 21. You know, I started writing my story, my memoir, thinking that my life was good and told and I knew everything by the time I was 20. And now, looking back, I'm like I'm so grateful to God that he took me on this journey and allowed me to get here so that at 42, as a successful Black woman existing in this plane, I can not only be a great representative of what God can do, but also who God is in my life, because you know.

Sherisse Alexander:

I just want to pause for a second. Sorry, I just want to interrupt you because I think it's important to there's something that you said that I don't want to lose track of, and that was we talk about mistakes. And you said, well, I don't want to lose track of, and that was. We talk about mistakes and you said, well, I don't really think. Somebody actually asked me recently, like, do you regret anything? And I'm like, nope, I thought for a moment, I did think for about one moment and I was like, let me see if I I've never really thought that I've regretted anything, but I did honor the question by saying, okay, let me actually think if I actually feel in my body, if there's something that comes up, that's, like, you know, regret. And so I took a moment and I was like no, I actually don't have a single regret because it is my genuine thought and my genuine belief, and I'm so glad that you talked about there aren't any mistakes, because there's the idea that, yes, there's God, but at the same time, we have free will, and part of free will is having this experience, and I guess it depends on what you actually think your relation to God is right.

Sherisse Alexander:

There are people that say I am God. I am God like you call yourself a goddess people. Would you know tar and feather Kanye for saying I am God and I'm like? Well, you know, he's actually kind of ahead of his time Because, like, if you, if you think about it, if we were created in the likeness of God, why wouldn't I be a God? Why wouldn't that mean that I can create whatever? Sure, but the point being is I have the power to create my life exactly as I desire, in co-creation. I'm not saying that I do it by myself. I'm saying in co-creation.

Sherisse Alexander:

Exactly so. If that's the case, then everything that comes up that I do not enjoy means that I must have wanted to experience that on some level, or had a limiting belief on some level, or there's a story on loop on some level that we are Absolutely Exactly Right. So and I wanted you to I wanted to go back to it because I think it's such an important thing that you are. Someone who believes in God is very Christian, and you're sitting here saying, like I am in co-creation of my experience with God.

Sherisse Alexander:

And you're giving it up to God every single day, but certainly owning your part in that experience In co-creation with God and the universe.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

I think what people don't really understand is how powerful words are, and I didn't either, because what you said really, I have to honor something that you said to me earlier and validate what you said.

Sherisse Alexander:

I had to snap on that because I am big on verbiage. You heard me say I'm not old, I'm wise.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

And what I had to snap back to you and say was that in all of the things that I have experienced in my life and everything that has brought me here, when people talk about me, a lot of the time they talk about old me. They talk about how angry I used to be. I remember when I was younger I used to be so upset with my mom or anybody who would bring up my past and share stories about me being miserable or mean or whatever. Even when I was with Kavitha and Jessica, I got into a couple arguments with them because they kept trying to. They're very nostalgic in their personalities and my sister especially is extremely nostalgic and she likes to live in the past. So she brings up everything from the past, whether negative or positive, and throws it at you all of the time in constant conversation.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

And I don't live in the past in any way, shape or form in my life. I use it to be a measuring stick of where I'm at, but I never, ever go back to it, and so being around somebody who's constantly in their past is such a hard thing for me, and I didn't realize how much or why it triggered me when I was younger. For people. I thought it was an insult for people to bring up my past and judge me by it, or I felt like they were judging me by it, even though they're just using it as a measuring stick to how far I've come or whatever. Well, a lot of people don't like to let you live outside of your box. You know, and I think what that limiting belief, what you were speaking about. A lot of times people put limiting beliefs on you and you take ownership of those things.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

So somebody will say you know you're so you're so this way, you're such a, this, you're such a, you know, and people like, put a lot of things on you and you take those things on as your personality traits. Oh, I am that way, I am that. I'm a sagittarius, so I'm this way. I am this, so I am that. And numerology wise, or like sagittarius, with this, this moon rising, or whatever. God gave us all of the ability to understand those things so we can understand ourselves better. Sure, but to then limit yourself by saying that you're only one way, because you have this personality trait, is the problem. And I did that for many, many years.

Sherisse Alexander:

I actually conducted my entire life with one belief, or perhaps those things come up to remind you that you're not, and maybe it's to remind the person that is like, maybe because I had to come up for myself very recently where somebody was making I don't want to call it a judgment, but like an assessment of who I am because what's happened over the last six, seven years is I've actually softened a lot.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

You become submissive in a way that never you never existed at all.

Sherisse Alexander:

I've become more feminine. That's what I would say. I would say that I'm not steeped in this very masculine.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

All the misogyny of being a lady, a power woman.

Sherisse Alexander:

So somebody was identified. Well, it comes in different forms and I think that piece has always been in me, because the reality is it's like I've always been somebody who doesn't enjoy being in the limelight, does not want to be. Start like front and center, like even as you're waxing eloquent about me, I'm like shy about it. I'm like oh, my gosh.

Sherisse Alexander:

I'm in resistance of accepting the compliment, but somebody had made an assessment that I was like fragile, and I'm glad they did because, hang on, I'm glad they did. You have to remember where I am. I'm in Nigeria, but I wouldn't describe you as fragile.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

That's the furthest thing I would describe you as.

Sherisse Alexander:

Right. And so when they said it, I got I didn't get defensive, but I got energetically defensive. So this morning when I was thinking about it, I'm like, okay, why did you have that response? And I wanted to be defensive about it, right, I wanted to be like, well, hey, prove all the reasons why I'm not fragile. But in my mind I'm like but you don't need to, you've already shown that you're not.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

I love that.

Sherisse Alexander:

Just because I don't present in the way that people would expect somebody who is strong. And I think there's actually far more benefit in being strong and flexible, because I would say to Anthony, when he would come real rigid with an idea, I'm like you know what happens to that tree that doesn't bend with the wind, they just break their roots, get actually ripped right out of the earth. And I said so. It's much more, it's much better for you in this life to learn how to be strong and flexible with what life presents. So my whole point in all of that was to say sometimes maybe those conversations come up to test how you feel about yourself.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

How was it being married for 20 years to somebody who was a rigid tree that didn't bend?

Sherisse Alexander:

How was that for you? Okay, well, the ex-husband that I knew because I often say to people I'm like I don't know who he is in an intimate way today. So I allow space for the fact that, as much as I have grown, he has likely grown in large degree as well, and what I would say is that Mike and I were very young and I don't know that either one of us had an example of the type of relationship that, at our core, we were seeking for ourselves. And what I mean when I say that is I had my parents, who are still married to this day, 40 plus years. They're in love. Everybody knows it.

Sherisse Alexander:

It's a beautiful thing to watch, very, very traditional, very, very traditional and very steeped in gender roles, which is beautiful on one hand. And Mike's upbringing wasn't quite the same right, his parents did not have that experience and so Mike didn't witness that. So when you have two people and we just weren't mature enough to figure out how to like, make that work, because really, how we generally operate in relationship is what's been modeled for us and what we experience, and so the fact that maybe at that time Mike wasn't as strong and flexible as one might like, that's okay. You know that's his journey and I'm grateful for the experience. I'm grateful we had four kids. I obviously don't regret having the experience. Mike and I had a lot of fun together, you know, for 20, some odd years and that chapter is closed and you know, we've both moved on and we still maintain this deep friendship and mutual respect for each other and that's what I love about us.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

That's really cool, so glad.

Sherisse Alexander:

It took a long time To me that speaks to such a maturity and a respect for, no, it didn't take a long time. The truth is is that it was always there. And then what I mean is, yes, we would argue and we would disagree, and, yes, there were hurt, hurt feelings. But underneath all of that, that's fluffery, underneath all of that, because if that didn't exist, we would never like. There was no difficulty, aside from the emotional one, but there was in terms of, like, the breakdown of the relationship. There was never any flaying. If, okay, let's put it this way if he was flaying my name in the street, I didn't really hear about it?

Sherisse Alexander:

I certainly was not, you know land-based in human street.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

I don't think you were actually even in the headspace to honor that at that time either, so I think that's cool that you never let that be a thing, especially where raising your children and having that experience together was concerned was concerned.

Sherisse Alexander:

I've seen too much of the effect of what that looks like for people when you can't get along for the sake of your kids, and it's heartbreaking to watch. It's awkward for everybody involved and we were getting along great and it was awkward for everyone involved. We would be at parties together and people would be like we're not sure what went wrong here. You guys are like really great friends.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

Totally. Whose team are we on? Yeah, and it's like yeah.

Sherisse Alexander:

Like you're on both of our teams, like why do you got to pick? We're not making you pick. Why are you feeling? And that was that was what was really interesting to me is why did people? Why? So I pose it to you why was it difficult for people to be, to witness two people who did not, who no longer aligned in a romantic relationship sense? Why was it so difficult for people to just support that? We didn't want that, like it was really really really challenging for people to be like let me, let me.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

Let me say the why for me is because you guys were the archetype of what we are all supposed to be going towards. You know what I mean? Like you guys started out so young and for all of us that were young behind you, we were just like, okay, that's where we're gonna get married, we're gonna have kids, we're gonna have this life, we're gonna buy a house, we're gonna, we're gonna build a business or several, and and watching you guys do all the steps and stuff like that, when it came to, uh, crumbling and we were just like, well, excuse me, bitch, you are the story. That was not. This was not what we were expecting here.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

And for me because I got to see it from a different perspective, because I'm, I'm so, I'm obviously mike's my cousin, but I'm super team shrooney it was like I had to pick a. I was like, nope, okay, well, I, I'm gonna pick this side. And I firmly stayed there and I and I think all of us did, and I and the reason is because you, we had to write. It was like your allegiance is going to be to who has supported you and uplifted you and made you feel strong to your weakest moments, and I think that's why it was so hard, because it was like we love both of you guys, the power that you were together, also the two becoming one thing. When you see somebody as one unit and you see a person as the other person too, like Mike and Charisse or whatever, that whole vibe that was so many years of our life and honoring that. It was very hard to let that go.

Sherisse Alexander:

I think for myself it could be at least two years. For real it was ridiculous. It was probably what made it so challenging is our family was fine. The kids were fine, mike and I were fine Friends, family. It was just like yo guys seriously, it's really okay, it's not that deep, but you guys really struggled. It was we all did.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

It was hard. I believe it, I honestly believe it in my whole heart. It was hard for all of us because it was just like my brother my everybody, my sister, we were all like what what are we doing like? Where are we going? You know?

Sherisse Alexander:

but, but we didn't, but we didn't make you pick, and that was the point, because I would definitely have people asking me and I was like you don't have to pick like why? Do you think you have to? You don't have to. You can have both of us. You can invite both of us.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

We'll both come let's be honest in our, in our adult life, because of the, the way that time works in our mental, all of us have probably witnessed when we were younger adults getting divorced and and getting separated and family splitting up. But in our adult life, in the microcosm that was our bubble, seeing it as an adult and living through it and experiencing it and watching you guys grow and morph out of it. And now seeing you in your Nigerian life and different whole, every single thing, you realize how many different lives you get to live within your life. And I think the thing that is most beautiful to see even though you're honoring that part of my journey and seeing my second life and my third life, um, from the perspective of somebody who's gotten to witness me from childhood until now, you've gotten to see three generations of myself, or iterations of myself, and I've gotten to see those same three iterations of you come through as different versions of Trudy and each one is powerful and beautiful.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

But I do honor the fact that this version of you is much softer and so much more malleable and it's nicer to talk to you because it was almost like we would have an adversarial conversation. Every time we would talk it was like a debate, you know we'd have two standpoints and we're both standing firmly on either side and we're debating every time we get together. It was like I was prepared for a debate because we're going to have that kind of conversation, we're going to have that honor that that part of ourselves is going to definitely have a difference in opinion. But now it's different talking to you. I think me too, I'm sure it's very different talking to me because we're nicer people. It's much easier to talk to somebody who is an easier person, you know, and we are just easier to deal with.

Sherisse Alexander:

I think that a lot of that, though, is realizing that I still have very strong ideas. I do, but I think that the biggest difference is that I'm trying to figure out a way to say this so that doesn't. I'm evolving. I've spent the last six, seven years doing like a massive transformation of self, and so the person I am today is not even even like the person I was a year ago, and the biggest change in that, honestly, has been Nigeria, cause the truth of the matter is it's like you know.

Sherisse Alexander:

I came in here I'm going to be very real. I came in here with my rosy colored glasses, which are still there. I still have rosy glasses, but it was rosy glasses that were colored by a perspective that was about this big, this wide right. I had blinders on, very myopic, I had large blinders on, so there was a lot in my peripheral that I missed, and what I mean when I say that is that I had the privilege of living in North America. I had the privilege of growing up there. I had the privilege and all of those are beautiful privileges, and it took a little while for me to understand Like I literally came here with the idea of I'm going to make it better.

Sherisse Alexander:

Okay, well, who says it's better? Number one, number two, who says that people here want it to be better and I'm saying that in quotation marks and number three, all that I really actually have determined that I am going to do for myself, and whatever the overflow of that is, is just be me, just walk in what I am in my core, which is somebody who just wants to love humanity, period. It's just that simple. And this environment tries to talk me out of it every day. So here's where I stand, very grounded and very rooted in who I am. Trust me. This environment, literally every single day, wants to convince me of something different. Every single day, they want to convince me of how terrible they are.

Sherisse Alexander:

And even when I say that, what I'm saying is is sure, you might make terrible choices or choices that hurt you, but that's because you're so steeped in your own suffering, your own hurt, your own pain, your own whatever. Like people don't. If you think about babies, babies aren't born and come out just wicked and decide that they're going to do terrible things in life. Babies don't do that. We learn those things through the experiences that we have and the coping mechanisms that we learn or the environments that we're surrounded by.

Sherisse Alexander:

So I would say to people, the only difference between me and a Nigerian and this is just very simple and I don't mean to make it basic, but it's circumstance of birth in terms of where, that's all that I mean so where time, cultural norms, environment, so on and so forth, but really at base we all want the same thing, which is love, respect, belonging, a sense of fulfillment and purpose. And once you take care of those physical things food, clothing, shelter, water that's really because even if you had all those things, if you had all the food and all the clothing and all the shelter and all that stuff, then what's next? You're still going to want love, acceptance, belonging, a sense of fulfillment and purpose. So Nigeria has taught me that you got to meet people where they are.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

Very true.

Sherisse Alexander:

You can't stand, I can't. I'm not going to argue with you about anything at all. I'm just going to be, I'm going to, I'm going to model, I'm going to exemplify, I'm just going to show you. And if you want to learn because you like the way that I'm presenting myself, then I'm happy to share it with you. And if you want to learn because you like the way that I'm presenting myself, then I'm happy to share it with you. If you don't want to learn and you're truly fulfilled by the way you're doing it, hey, man, do you? I'm not going to make a judgment about it. We're all here for a journey, so I'm going to live mine.

Sherisse Alexander:

So that is what has actually softened me, Believe it or not. Nigeria has softened me.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

Well, I mean, if anything's going to and I would say very much the same thing that Cayman has done that for me, because this is the kind of environment where they say like you know, if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere Cause super cut throat, and like if we were talking about corruption in both environments. We're living in probably the two singularly most corrupt places on earth, which I think is really really interesting. Very much so, and I always make the comparison because I've experienced Nigeria myself and as a Nigerian I would say like my people are very hard but, I think, resilient. I think any Africans in the diaspora, so Caribbean people, anybody who's been through it and understands tertiary or third world ideology, understands that the struggle is real, right. And so, coming into any third world environment with a first world mental which we definitely did we think we can fix or correct or, you know, right the ship or right the things that are wrong, and and use our social justice warrior vibes to correct those things. But a lot of people don't want correcting, a lot of environments don't need our correction, they need our direction.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

You know what I mean, and so I think it's very cool to get to experience, seeing you and myself and all of us kind of grow in the way that we realize that our upbringing or the safety of the place in which we were brought up in allowed us the ability to see the world differently than other people do and a lot more like, with a lot cleaner of a heart no-transcript. But then that part of it makes your heart steely, you know. It makes you be like I don't. I don't for me, I don't have any friends, right, like. And people will always say to me like, oh, you used to have so many friends, what do you mean? You're the most popular person I know and I'm like no, I don't. I like when I say that I have friends like you and Tabitha and Jessica and stuff like that, but I don't have friends and I don't need them, I realized like I made a post the other day and I was really serious, like I realized.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

Like I made a post the other day and I was really serious, like I realized in my life that I knew a lot of people. I didn't have a lot of friends and, you know, in my old belief system I used to believe that I had a lot of friends and I would do the most for everybody, thinking that by martyring myself, I was somehow, I was somehow helping and also taking the view off of me Like I could be, like well, you know, I was so busy helping Cherise that I didn't have the chance to eat right, I was so busy doing this that I didn't have a chance to work out. I was so busy helping Jessica that I didn't have a chance to do this. And that's why I don't take care of myself. And the reason why I do this is because you guys need me, you know, and needing to be needed was so important that I didn't take care of myself.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

You know, and as I sort of learned the self-love ideology, I realized, like you know, I used to think you were really selfish, you know, and I would say that to you because I think a lot of people think that mothers are supposed to stay where their kids are and be there for 100 percent and martyr themselves to death, like my mom did, and do all the things so you can prove that your motherhood and your womanhood and the virtues of a woman is that you're supposed to martyr yourself to death. And I remember thinking to myself she's just so selfish, like she should just like, just settle down. Like why is she not more calm? Like what's wrong with her? She has all this perfection in her life, like I liked here. Thank you.

Sherisse Alexander:

Thank you for being very honest, because I think that there's probably a few people who have thought that and not said it, oh yeah, but I could feel it.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

I could feel the judgment yeah, yeah, and I wasn't even like, I don't even think I was standing in a place of judgment, because I've been so selfish in my own life like standing back and actually looking at myself now. I have been selfish in so many areas of my life, for so many years of my life, that the consciousness of knowing that I was that person understanding what that actually meant and how my staff is going to start coming in now, so you might hear a little bit of background noise. I apologize, but I didn't realize how selfish I was. Right, I didn't understand myself very well at all, and so coming to the realization that, like me, thinking that you were selfish, was me not wanting you to get out of your box, not wanting you to leave, not wanting you to move away.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

If I wasn't moving away, then why would you be moving away? You know what I mean, and if I'm moving away, then I shouldn't. Even I was never worried about the fact that it hurt your feelings that I left you, right. I'm only concerned about the fact that you're moving away from me. Good morning, love you.

Sherisse Alexander:

You know, you're saying something that I often say to people, right, and on one of my podcasts, anthony and I talk about this, and it's about asking ourselves better questions to understand ourselves better when these things do come up. So, for example, you talk about having this idea. We're just going to use it as an example here. Like, let's say, it upset you when you realized, like I was traveling and so on and so forth, and like you know, making this assessment or judgment like oh my gosh, that girl is so selfish, like she's got all them babies and she's just flitting all over the world. Yeah, exactly Like what is she doing?

Sherisse Alexander:

and I read in calgary, exactly she's supposed to stay put and martyr herself for those four babies? Forget what they're doing with their lives, forget that they're adults, forget that they're literally outliving their own lives. She is supposed to just sit there and wait. That is what she's supposed to do, and I had seen enough examples you're not performing the way that we thought you were supposed to perform.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

Yeah, that was, that was, that was the process, and because you were everybody's cornerstone, like you were, like the matriarch of all of us in our younger years. Like that way, I think, for, like, I'm sure your sister had the same reaction, probably even more visceral, more venomous, more angry, or probably your friends same thing. Your besties probably treated you like a shit. I literally, as I changed and became more selfish, every single one of my friends hates me, like I'm telling you, they hate me even. I realized in my interactions with my like my friends I haven't seen for a long time, they don't knew me, doesn't align with what they're used to, right and it's a tough one.

Sherisse Alexander:

I won't lie that one has been tough and that one, um, that could be for many reasons and I'm not going to suppose why pete, why those relationships have morphed, but they have all morphed and so I'm just gonna all that.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

They don't like, they don't like the choices that you made and because they don't like the choices that you made, they have chosen first. They did the. I'm going to say this because I experienced it. But I I experienced seeing it from the inside, of people judging you, and you've experienced seeing people judge me and listening to those conversations and and and seeing it from the other side, where people are like what is Monica doing? Why is she doing that? And having those conversations with you and I know they have and I have had people have the same conversation why is Therese with this Nigerian guy? He's scamming her, he's this, he's that, blah, blah, she's getting robbed, her life is going to be over.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

I've had all those conversations with people calling me like fix it, call her, get her to come home. You know, like I went through all of this shit, right, and you just really steadied yourself and like you stand on business. You know you were like no, I, I'm gonna just go forward. And we were all like she's crazy, she's under obia, like she's gonna, like somebody's gonna cut out her organs and leave her in a bathtub in nigeria somewhere, like something's wrong, right, like we all had that conversation and it was like we're, we need to go phase three. But I'm sure you had the same conversation when I was like I'm moving to africa and I'm gonna go get married and I'm gonna adopt a kid and I'm gonna live there whatever.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

Everybody has done shit in their life where the people that are around them absolutely object and once they stop objecting, they remove themselves right. So once they the manipulation of being able to talk you out of your situation or guilt you into believing that you don't deserve whatever it is you're going for once the devil stops working like that, he will just remove people like the. Either God will remove people from your life so that you're less distracted from the purpose that he's driving you towards, and or the devil will put people in your path to try and keep you distracted so you never go towards what you want right. And the same can be said for how he that god removes people from your life, and so does the devil.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

When I started to lose weight, all those very same people that were at my hospital bed and and pretending to be my besties, and all that shit standing in my wedding, all the shit they all fucked off.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

The more successful I became, so the more money I made and the prettier I became and the more popular I became, the less liked by the people that were supposed to love me I became, and I didn't understand it. And the thing is, if I hadn't gone to therapy before I did my surgery, I would have believed all of the things that these people now say about me and I would have taken ownership of all of that stuff and believe that I'm a bad person because I am successful and thinner and happy and have a successful marriage and I'm doing very well for myself, right. So because I am in living in the one percent of people now that is financially stable and has a good marriage and has a husband who loves me, would never cheat on me and all of these things, I have zero friends because the amount of women who are also living that experience is so few that I don't have anybody to relate to anymore.

Sherisse Alexander:

So you know what you do. I recognize that my circle was getting real small. You know, literally like, even when I would go back to Edmonton, I would see your sister, I would see my sister, I would see my family and I would see Kim and and that was like about it, that was, those were the people that I would see, and and then I started to like growing the circle a little bit, but in Calgary. But I also recognize that like I was cocooning, I know I was cocooning and I also learned that I'm like more of an introvert than I am an extrovert. I like my energy very well and I feel very clearly like, as much as I wear rosy colored glasses and I want to love and light the world to death, I need to guard this vessel of my own energy very, very well and so I don't like to have that all rub off on me. If that is making sense, right. It is energetically exhausting being around people, too many people, right. So I am in a lot of ways very, very, very comfortable in a very small circle.

Sherisse Alexander:

But when I was ready and this is the power of manifesting, I shit you not. Um, I think it was February this year I said? I said okay, god, you know what I'm like. Ready for you to like bring more people into my life who are like me and like, vibe on, like the things that I vibe on and like understand the verbiage that I am using. Put that out there. I shit you not. Two months later I go to the yoga studio. I walk around the corner and this lady says hi, I'm a Buddhist. Never had anybody introduced me to themselves Reviter religions from Asians.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

That's hilarious.

Sherisse Alexander:

But my point being yeah, exactly. So. In other words, and I think the reason why, especially in this environment, is because it's this environment is heavily Christian or heavily Muslim, both very. We'll say yeah, very, very fair. Yeah, exactly, there's not, there's no gray area. So the reason why having somebody introduce me to themselves as a Buddhist just means like it's a beacon of light.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

It's like, hey, you can talk, yeah, yeah, exactly.

Sherisse Alexander:

Exactly so my point in that being is for you, you can just ask can I have more people come into my life that are like me, on my vibe, on my level, and I don't mean that in a better or worse than way, I just mean that understand me or will understand me.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

Well, that's the thing, right, when I asked God to send me a friend, he just removed all those people from my life and he actually sent me myself. Right, and this is the interesting thing I had spent so many years trying to be everything to everybody so I wouldn't be alone with myself that God really needed to give me this season to give me myself back and also allow me to love dating myself, being alone with myself, my own thoughts, and realizing that they're not negative, they're powerful and that I shouldn't be scared to be alone with my own thoughts you know what I mean and be alone by myself and enjoy my own time and date myself and learn to love that. I had to learn to build that love within myself, and so now I'm super hyper conscious of it. But I'm also so ready for that part of my life where I don't have to work as hard, because right now I work seven days a week. I work from six o'clock in the morning I'm here, I leave my house at 5 am, go to the gym at work from six First clients in at 6.30, six o'clock most of the time, and I work till six o'clock in the evening every day. And you know I've always been a hard worker, but the more successful I get, the more time I have to mark out for myself. So as soon as I leave work today I had a cancellation in the afternoon I blocked myself off from three o'clock. I'm going home, I'm going immediately to sleep, like when I tell you that I'm going to be in my bed until the next day because I'm going to the gym. I am going to relax and enjoy this afternoon, but I would never do that before. You know what I mean. I'd be like I've got to take in an extra client. So there's three people on the wait list that have been waiting for over a week. I have 186 people on my wait list. I have 5,000 clients.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

I can't service everybody the way they want to be serviced. I can't give everybody everything they want and I I'm okay with that. I'm also okay with where I'm at in this part of my life too, where I'm so comfortable with being me that I'm okay with the fact that people don't like it. And yeah, I never used to be that. I was so uncomfortable with people not liking me. You know I didn't. I would get anxiety, I would couldn't. I'd have sleepless nights trying to figure out how to fix it. You know, not really fix myself, just fix the situation socially so that they didn't. They didn't like me, so they weren't uncomfortable.

Sherisse Alexander:

It had nothing to do with like fixing it really at its core. It's just so that it's not an uncomfortable situation. What did somebody say? That is like it's like maybe a little bit like spiritual bypassing, like avoidance, or whatever the case may be. But you know, I I think that you know your entire journey really has been quite inspiring, from start to finish. And I'm curious what's what's next? You've done a lot in the last couple of years. The last couple of years have been like on warp speed. Oh my God, what's next?

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

Okay, so we're about to open another business. My husband and I we're opening two, actually so right now, we own the beauty bar, which is my salon that I opened in 2021. Um, what I'm hoping for is that right now, we're about to open a car rental company. So we've just purchased a bunch of cars and we're about to open a car rental company. So we've just purchased a bunch of cars and we're about to open a car rental company, and we're also opening landscaping and janitorial business here. So, on top of the business that we're currently running, which is extremely successful, I mean, I actually one of the things I wanted to share with you that was such a blessing this year three things. Um is that I actually, um was honored here and um, I was turned into a memorialized portrait here during Cayman Art Week. Twice, two different artists chose me as their muse and did giant.

Sherisse Alexander:

I saw it on Instagram.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

Amazing and I was honored as one of the like influencers, like artists, influencers in Cayman who are changing the Cayman landscape and are influencing Cayman society as artists and I thought that was amazing. And also I've been able to start an apprenticeship program where I'm starting to take in young Caymanians and start to teach them and like obviously, because the way the work permit situation is in the Cayman Islands, there's only so many things you can do underneath certain legal stuff here so being able to actually teach Sci-Fx students and students through the Cayman Islands certification program. They're starting to get into labor field jobs here, like apprenticeship program type of jobs, journeyman programs and stuff like that. So I'm trying to get more into that. And I also walked in Cay fashion week this year. I got to walk on the runway, not just work on the models but be a model, which is phenomenal. And if anybody knows, yeah, no, so it's been.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

Um, this year has been really cathartic for me in terms of growth and change and also doing things that I never thought I would do and stretching myself in terms of growth and change and also doing things that I never thought I would do and stretching myself in terms of my confidence level and really understanding what true confidence is, as opposed to the bravado and showiness of who I used to be, which was all fake and a lot of bluster, and it wasn't a lot. I was filibustering or whatever the hell you call that that, that thing. I was doing a lot of that all over the place and it was too much. You know what I mean, and so now I'm a lot more centered, a lot more focused. Um, I use my ADHD to bless other people. You know what I mean. So it gives me the energy that I'm pretty sure most people don't exist in that plane of having, and I am so excited I actually started to write my curly hair Bible, so I'm writing a new book.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

Congratulations I started to do it and I am taking some time to do it. So I'm going to work on it through this year because I want to do a lot of like filming attached to it. So I want to film segments and do training program videos as well, and then I'd like to sell my program and start to teach it internationally and start to focus a little bit like that. So right now my staff is amazing. So I have like two of the greatest employees ever actually three in my shop and I feel like I'll be able to take some time away from being 100 percent full time behind the chair and start to focus on actually training other people and doing an advanced training program here. And start to focus on actually training other people and doing an advanced training program here and getting to train the women who have mixed race children and curly hair children how to do the hair, because I think a lot of people are missing that in their experience of their whole lifetime of actually having somebody sit down and teach them about their hair and how to do it. So my goals have morphed a lot over the last few years.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

I really thought motherhood was going to be in the picture for me in terms of like having a baby. We tried to do IVF last year and we were unsuccessful. So I took a break from that because it was a lot of hormonal changes and at my age girl, I need my titties to be okay, I need my body to just be normal and I also want to experience not having loose skin. So for me, like the idea of going through a little bit of surgical intervention and getting skin tightening or any of those other things, can't happen until the baby's off the table, because I'm not going back to having stretched skin after we take out the stretch pitch it ain't going down. So I am really excited about what this year means for me in terms of business and getting the acumen.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

I was actually nominated for one of Cayman's best businesses in the hair salon category. Out of 300 hair salons, we made it into the top 10 this year and as a new business, existing for as long as I have here and having a business to this scale, what I'm doing in Cayman is unheard of. So I'm really excited about um forging new and unpaved roads here and doing things that are different the only curly hair specialist on the island, the only master stylist here that does everything. So I think I'm living a rare air and I'm really excited to be able to share that with you. I'm also also hoping that we can do another podcast together so we can actually get into all the things we didn't get into today Because, bitch like, we didn't even touch the subject. I'm glad you know that we barely actually talked about anything.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

We didn't do anything, we just had a regular conversation, like we wouldn't talk to each other on the phone.

Sherisse Alexander:

We have so many things to talk about. I'm still going to publish it because I think that there's a lot of good stuff in here. I think one of the most valuable things about you, monica, is that you're so relatable. What was the first thing you said to me? You were like am I allowed to swear? Because I swear like a trucker. I'm like well, me too.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

So at the end of the day, I got a verifiable potty mouth and.

Sherisse Alexander:

I always have had a verifiable potty.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

I've been cussing since I was nine Right, I couldn't do live radio. They could never have me on like power 92 or whatever, because I would ruin their day.

Sherisse Alexander:

Yeah, cause you'd'd be. I mean, I'm being very good right now, but normally I am like in my very real life I am very bad with swearing. I don't think it's a bad thing, it's just a word.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

It's so true. I actually did a few different live TV shows and stuff and came on after my transformation has made it onto TV and radio shows and stuff and came on like um, after like my transformation has made it onto tv and radio shows and stuff here over the last few years. And they actually have a commercial that they they created with the hospital here that I did my surgery at and they play it every, every day in the movie theaters and stuff. Before they play in the movie they film my transformation.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

So, um, I get to go on like tv, radio shows and talk about my journey and transformation and sometimes when I'm on there I have to really be so conscious, like especially on the morning, the morning radio shows and stuff like to not swear because I am so natural with my affect that they all want me on the show. But they're also like you can't say shit, you can't see no, and I'm like, oh my god, I'm gonna swear at you, like I'm guaranteed. Now you like you can't say shit, you can't say no, and I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to swear at you. Look, I'm guaranteed. Now, you told me I can't, I'm guaranteed I'm going to swear at you. I apologize in advance.

Sherisse Alexander:

What's so crazy is you're talking about all the things that you've been doing. It just like hit me like an epiphany. So here's, here's your describing. Like you know, sometimes when you're talking to people and you're like, I see the life in my mind that I'm supposed to live, like you can see it right and for ever. For as long as I've known you, you have always talked about being famous and famous. Not at all. What I ever wanted like it was like I'll take all the financial blessings that come along with it, but do not make me famous.

Sherisse Alexander:

I'm taking that back. Universe clear cancel release. I am very okay with being known to help people If, yes, exactly If it will help people. But what I was just dawning on me I'm like, oh my gosh, this girl was totally seeing her life as it was meant to be, like 20, 25 years ago. And you, because you always were you always talking about how you're supposed to be famous, You're supposed to be famous, I didn't know what for though I didn't know.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

I thought it was just going to say that I just knew I was going to be famous for being me. You know I didn't, but you are.

Sherisse Alexander:

you are being famous for being you, but you thought it was going to be like singing or acting, or because you were like that's the road you were going down, but you could have never conceptualized. See God's plan, Do you see? Do you see? And that's why the journey has been so beautiful. It's okay.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

What freaks me out of what you just said is that, every single day, all I think about is the fact that this is so crazy, that I'm living the life that I thought I was going to have 20 years ago. I thought that I was supposed to have this experience 20 years ago and I told my husband the other day. I said, baby, I'm living my dreams right now, I know.

Sherisse Alexander:

I know and it's kind of crazy because, like even in my own experience, like there have been things that have been happening this year that I'm like, and you have to be careful with your thoughts around this, right, but like things have started happening and I'm like, what the fuck is going on? Like you're manifesting, you're putting the energy out there right For sure, you're putting it out there but then it starts coming back to you and you're like you have to be careful. I read this in a book, and the reason why I'm saying you have to be careful is, like, when you start to have disbelief around it, then that's. Then it's almost like you undo all the goodness that's coming because you're like, okay, well, you don't believe it. So I may as well.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

Okay, so you want to go back?

Sherisse Alexander:

to that clearly right.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

So what.

Sherisse Alexander:

I'm working on is like even something as simple as accepting a compliment Thank you, thank you and just knowing like thank you, I deserve it, thank you, I deserve it. So, thank you for the house, I deserve it. Thank you for this, I deserve it. So, yes, I love you, we're doing this again. Yes, we will, we're doing this again. Thank you so much for being a guest today on your collective. Oh, trudy, it's been a pleasure.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

I'm honored to be on your show.

Sherisse Alexander:

Don't worry, we're going to do it again.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

Oh no, Sherudi, can I ask you something?

Sherisse Alexander:

Yes.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

I want to do it on air so we can legitimize this. When are you inviting me to Nigeria to come and stay in your house and eat your food? Okay, Well how about?

Sherisse Alexander:

I talked to the kids about later this year, so how about you come after that? Okay, cause then.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

I can make sure I'm totally down. I'm inviting myself. I did invite your sister.

Sherisse Alexander:

You know what the truth is is. I did invite your sister as well, cause she wanted to come, and I said okay, we should absolutely do this when I'm here, don't pick a time when I'm not here. So, yes, let's do it. You may come, you may stay here, I will make sure that you're well fed and we will have nothing but fun.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

I need a driver. Oh my God, I'm so excited I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming. Okay, well, I'm here.

Sherisse Alexander:

I love you too, thank you. You're a goddess. I'm so proud of you.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

This element, of yourself this right here. This is what I expected from you. So this is manifestation on a lot of levels for both of us and I'm very proud of you. I just want to tell you how much and I am just like in awe of you, as usual, and keep doing what you're doing, and also I can't wait to be invited back on your show, bitch.

Sherisse Alexander:

Thank you, enjoy the rest of your day. I love you.

Monikah Adeniken-Scott:

I will God bless you, Rudi.

Sherisse Alexander:

Same to you, baby. Thank you all for joining me and Monica today as she shared her story and her journey. It's my sincere hope that, for those of you that are listening, that you can see how a simple shift well, maybe not a simple shift, but how, once we begin to shift our perspective on our experience with life how we can have astounding change, remarkable, significant change in the experiences that we are engaged in. So if you enjoyed today's content, please feel free to subscribe, either from Apple Podcasts or Spotify, and if you have any feedback or any questions, please feel free to reach out to me at sharice at yourcollectiveca. S-h-e-r-i-s-s-e at yourcollectiveca. Until next time, take care.