Beyond Doubt: Overcome Life’s Insecurities

What if guilt and shame are not just emotional burdens but divine signals guiding us toward our true selves? Join me and my dear friend Jessicah Adeniken as we unravel the complexities of faith, spirituality, and overcoming imposter syndrome. At 40, Jessicah is a mother, university graduate, and entrepreneur passionate about remote styling and consulting. Together, we reflect on our longstanding friendship and shared spiritual journey, delving into how our understanding of life and faith evolves with age and maturity.

Imagine having prophetic dreams that hold the key to your future. In this episode, Jessicah courageously talks about her spiritual experiences, including prophetic dreams and divine communication signals. We explore the delicate balance between self-judgment and divine correction, emphasizing that God's guidance is gentle and loving rather than demanding perfection. Jessicah's openness to broader spiritual concepts such as energy and frequencies adds a unique dimension to the conversation, making it a rich tapestry of traditional Christian faith interwoven with modern spiritual ideas.

Stepping into leadership roles and embracing visibility despite insecurities is no easy feat, especially in the age of social media. Jessicah shares her personal stories of overcoming fear and self-doubt, particularly around social media criticism, and the journey of intentional divine co-creation. We discuss the significance of setting specific goals, stepping out of comfort zones, and the importance of continual communication with God. This episode is a heartfelt, profound exploration of faith, self-growth, and the courage to embrace one's true potential.

Chapters

• 0:14 Spirituality, Faith, and Imposter Syndrome
• 14:04 Navigating the Relationship With God
• 25:29 The Power of Prophetic Dreams
• 31:30 Navigating Divine Communication Signals
• 35:33 Divine Guidance Through Signs and Commitment
• 40:02 Seeking Divine Guidance Through Dreams
• 44:40 Navigating Faith and Patience
• 57:23 Discovering Self-Recognition and Humility
• 1:01:36 Embracing Visibility and Overcoming Insecurities
• 1:07:03 Embracing Self-Growth and Accountability
• 1:11:19 Manifesting and Intentional Divine Co-Creation
• 1:22:14 Journey to Nigeria Commitment

Transcript

Sherisse Alexander : 0:14

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, wherever you might be when you're listening to this. My name is Sherisse Alexander, your host of your Collective. My name is Sherisse Alexander, your host of Your Collective. Welcome to today's show, where I will be sitting down with my very good friend, Jessicah Adeniken. Jess is one of those people in my life that you know. We see each other a few times a year and every time we sit down we get into hours and hours and hours of heartfelt conversation. Today, the idea of the show today was to chat about imposter syndrome and how we struggle with that, but in all reality, what we're talking about today is again the relationship with the divine faith, spirituality, the challenges that we face, and how do we meet those challenges head on and maybe not shy away from the challenge. So, without further delay, let us dive in. Okay, so, jess, thank you so much for joining me here today on Your Collective and, I must say, first in-person podcast interview.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:35

So thank you um, yeah, I'm excited. Um, this is my first ever podcast appearance. Um, so, yes, that should be interesting.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:52

It will be so. Jess and I have known each other. Okay, we're not going to date either one of us. We're just going to say a very, very early time since the very early aughts.

Sherisse Alexander : 2:02

yes, we've known each other for a while. Um, jess is a multi-talented young lady. Uh, I love her like a sister and because we spend a lot of time to with each other, um, we always have these really deep conversations, and so Jess actually has been around for the entirety of this podcast journey and she even said to me before I started it she's like, oh my gosh, you're like actually doing it, like you were just talking about it last year and now you're actually doing it.

Jessicah Adeniken: 2:40

And.

Sherisse Alexander : 2:41

I said do you want to be a guest? And she said yes, and I said OK, what are we going to talk about? And she said imposter syndrome, right?

Jessicah Adeniken: 2:48

well, yeah, it is. It's one of those things that we. It kind of comes up in conversation just naturally and then so I was like, yeah, I don't even know at the time what your theme of your podcast was, but I just know that it's something that we've talked about before. And, yes, I'd like to go a little deeper.

Sherisse Alexander : 3:07

Oh, would you. Not too deep now, you know Well you know what my whole thing with this particular podcast is? We will go where we allow it to go. So if you are free with it, then it can be a lot of fun. But I guess, before we dive in too deep, please, for those folks who don't know who you are, tell us a little bit about who you are, what you do, what makes you special and unique, whatever you want to share, oh gosh that's you know.

Jessicah Adeniken: 3:38

Um, okay, so my name is jessica and I am a recently turned 40. I am a mother, I am a university graduate with a degree in marketing and a diploma in business management. I also have my own business doing remote, have my own business doing remote styling and consulting, and, um, yeah, I mean I could go into all my other talents if you want, but, um, I sing. Once upon a time I used to act and write, but I haven't done those things in a long time. But, yeah, that's the gist of it. I'm raising a teenage daughter. I have one child. She's awesome.

Sherisse Alexander : 4:27

Yeah, anything else you want to share.

Jessicah Adeniken: 4:31

I don't know. I've never really thought of what my intro is. Anything that you'd like to share about me?

Sherisse Alexander : 4:40

So why do Jess and I connect, aside from the fact that our energies have always vibed really, really well? I wish you could see Jess right now. She's fighting with a fly or a mosquito or something, but anyway it's going to just annoy me.

Sherisse Alexander : 4:56

But Jess and I have always vibed because we have very complimentary energies, very complimentary energies, but normally, where we can have hours and hours and hours of long conversation is we almost always land on, yes, spirituality and faith, jess is well, jess, why don't you tell us a little bit about your faith?

Jessicah Adeniken: 5:21

I am. I mean, I'm a Christian. I grew up in the church, um, and then there's been times in my life when I got away from the church and come back, um, I probably have more. I don't necessarily see liberal, but, like, just my ideas around Christianity and faith aren't as rigid maybe, as you know, say my mom's, you know what I mean. But yeah, I've always been very interested in just learning and understanding this life and the universe, this life and the universe, and I find myself I've, you know, gone back and forth between you know more of the spiritual side of things, um, but, yes, I'm a firm believer in Jesus and God, the creator, and um, but yeah, I think I'm always open to understanding more about the universe and energy frequencies, and so, yeah, I think I'm just like a lifelong learner.

Sherisse Alexander : 6:35

I think we all are lifelong learners. I think the older we get, interestingly enough, when you're young, tell me if this resonates with you. But when you're young, me if this resonates with you. But when you're young, uh, you think you know it all very early. Like you know you have things to learn, but like it's almost like when you're 18, 19, you're like, yeah, I'm good, I'm ready, like let me take on this thing called life. And then, as you start really leaning into the journey, you realize I don't know shit yeah, I'm still like I don't know shit.

Jessicah Adeniken: 7:10

I'm 40 or like you know, life throws you a curveball and then you just like go back to like, oh, I'm a baby in this you know, so yeah so let's talk a little bit about.

Sherisse Alexander : 7:24

I mean, the great thing about the fact that you and I have known each other for so long is you've watched my own personal journey and I've been very open with you around the experience and what it's been like and what I'm learning and all this other kind of stuff. But I'm curious for you. You mentioned that, yes, you grew up in the church. You stepped away for a little bit, which I don't know is necessarily unusual. I think almost everybody who grows up in the church has a faith crisis of some sort. You dive into that a little bit.

Jessicah Adeniken: 7:59

I think for me it was, you know, growing up in the church I always remember that, like my former, my late pastor Collins, you know, he would always say, like you know, if you're either hot or you're cold, and if you're lukewarm, god will spit you out of his mouth, kind of thing. Right, and so I didn't want to be a hypocrite. And so when I, like I got baptized I think I was about 13 or 14 years old, hadn't had any life experience yet, and so then when I got to the age of oh, I want to, you know, live my life, I want to do my thing. I did not want to be a hypocrite, I didn't want to be living my life five, six days a week and then be at church Sunday morning, acting all innocent. And so for that reason, I kind of was like, well, right now I'm choosing to like, live out a more secular life style. And so I was, and so I probably for me that's probably around the time that I kind of stepped away from the church Not that I never went, but I wasn't going regularly and then got into a relationship.

Jessicah Adeniken: 9:14

And then, you know, four years in, and I was on my way out, I found out I was having Nailah and so automatically and like my daughter's father, he grew up in Jamaica, has a foundation in the church and stuff, but he was always exploring different religious ideas or you know what I mean and so.

Jessicah Adeniken: 9:40

But I told him when I found out I was pregnant that I knew that I wanted to raise my child in the church and he was very supportive of that, and so that's kind of what brought me back to the church was knowing I wanted to raise my kid in the church and give for that same foundation that I had.

Jessicah Adeniken: 9:59

And even in that over the years there were times when was like very committed and I was going all the time. And then there was, you know, times where listen, getting up on Sunday morning was hard you know what I mean and like I just want to sleep in or I'd be busy doing hair or whatever, and I'd say very recently, I mean my mom, I would always send my daughter to church with my mom if I wasn't going. And then very recently I kind of stepped back into the role of leading a youth worship team and this is just over the last since April, and so my commitment has been like re-solidified, trying every week to make it to church on sunday on time, which I'm already a late person. And then I have a teenage daughter who is her mother but then times that by 10. She don't move. She moves to the beat of her own drum.

Sherisse Alexander : 10:59

So getting their own time is now what I'm working on, um, but hey you're going we're going, yes, so yeah, so it was the arrival of nigh that uh took you back to the church, and I just wanted to circle back to something you've said. Um, you said you were baptized around 13, 14. And then, when you turned 18, it was like, for lack of putting it a better way, you wanted to wild out.

Jessicah Adeniken: 11:31

I did wild out a little bit.

Sherisse Alexander : 11:33

I mean, I didn't wild out like some people wild out, but you know, I was up in the club.

Jessicah Adeniken: 11:38

I was doing my you know I was just living a more worldly life.

Sherisse Alexander : 11:43

So what was the thought there then? That you couldn't do both?

Jessicah Adeniken: 11:50

For me. It just I internally would feel hypocritical, like if I went out Saturday night and didn't get to bed till four in the morning and probably still had alcohol underneath toothpaste you know what I mean On my breath. I wasn't trying to be up in there Sunday morning and feeling like a level of guilt or shame or you know what I mean. So I was like, if I'm going to live that way, I'm going to just live that way. And I mean God was always. I always had a personal relationship with God. But even then sometimes it was like, like God, I don't want to be faced with you know, yeah, my own, whatever it was. So I don't want you right now, because then I you know what I mean I have to confront some things.

Sherisse Alexander : 12:36

So decisions that you're making, yeah, whether they're in alignment and I use that word alignment and sorry to interrupt here for a second but the reason why I go to that is because it was an idea that I had.

Sherisse Alexander : 12:51

It was probably my, my own resistance for many years in terms of I'm not going to say the church, I'll say traditional faith, as in Christianity, and all of that, what it represents faith as in Christianity and all of that what it represents and that resistance that I had in my own mind of exactly what you're talking about, which is like the and I'm going to be very generic here and very broad, but I think that we are all faced with examples, or have witnessed examples, of folks that will go to church or, sorry, live their life as they see fit Monday through Saturday, and that may or may not be in alignment with the values of that particular faith.

Sherisse Alexander : 13:37

And then Sunday comes or whatever. Holy day is your holy day and we're going to live in light of of what the values are, and I too is just like I don't want to live like that and I don't want to. So I guess where my question is in this, or the idea that I pose and the reason why I say that is does it have to be one or the other? And I think you've answered the question for yourself. But I think what I came to understand is is that I don't and you and I've talked about this which is judgment right, because then the idea is is that God is judging you right, god is saying that, and so for you, you.

Sherisse Alexander : 14:18

You obviously felt that that would be the case if I was like well, you know what I think.

Jessicah Adeniken: 14:24

For me it's kind of like I mean, yes, on some level I think it was my own self judgment, right, and it's not that I don't think you can live both.

Jessicah Adeniken: 14:38

I think that God will correct, of course, correct you along the way. He doesn't ask you to come to him perfect, there is no such thing. The only one that was perfect and lived a sinless life was jesus, and he was crucified at 33 years old. So I mean, like if he had lived a long life, like it's a hard life to live without sin. You know what I mean. If you live even to teenagers, you know what I mean. Like all of a sudden, you're faced with choices every day that you make right, um. So it's not that I think he's asking us to come perfect, and you know what I mean, but I do think that when you do have faith in God, um, that with that sometimes comes the conviction which would where I said was myself can like, you know criticism or whatever, or like conviction in myself.

Jessicah Adeniken: 15:35

I think it was actually like that's God, it's not like he's like, and I can't hate you, or you know what I mean, but that's how he corrects us is like just this, gentle, you know? I mean like, why do we have guilty consciences? Why do we you know what I mean feel shameful when we do things that maybe morally are not correct? And you don't have to be a murderer to feel like something, or even could be something you said to a family member or the way you spoke to somebody. Why do we have that? And that I think that he is the moral compass, and so I think it's in all of us, whether we believe or not, there's a reason why we don't all go out and just kill people and, you know, do awful, terrible things that we would consider criminal.

Jessicah Adeniken: 16:32

We just are born with this understanding, or we learn very young what's right, what's wrong. And I think that, like, god's always speaking to us, and whether we acknowledge it or not, god's always speaking to us, and whether we acknowledge it or not. So maybe at that time, maybe God was telling me hey, how you're living is not right. You know what I mean. And instead of wanting to hear that, I was like, well, I want to live this way right now. So I'm going to choose to live this way and kind of quiet the voice of God. And so I still had that. It's it like it's easier to go and live quote-unquote and sin or do whatever you're, whatever you want to do, um, when you've kind of like pushed that uh aside right is it?

Jessicah Adeniken: 17:16

though I mean I think that the, the, that voice was maybe always there, but just a little bit like we lowered the volume on it. You know what I mean and I did always know and I believe this, like you know it says like, raise up a child in the way they should go and they will not depart from it, doesn't mean that your kids, you know the story of the prodigal son like it doesn't mean that you're, you know I'm, the prodigal daughter.

Jessicah Adeniken: 17:40

According to mom okay, there you go. That doesn't mean that they won't, you know, you know, depart from it, and but that they will always kind of return to you know the foundation, the fundamentals that you instill in them, right, and so I always knew, like I always loved God, I always had a heart for God. He's always been part of my conversations, like you know what I mean. It was just in that time of my life, and I mean even today, there's things that I'm like I know that god's working on certain things with me, but, you know, maybe I'm not ready to let that thing go yet. You know what I mean. Yeah, but god gives, he's gracious, and I think he gives us time to not I mean, not everybody has the opportunity. Every day you wake up. You don't know if you're gonna wake up, you know. So try to live right daily, um, but as long as I have breath, then I have, you know he's working on me?

Jessicah Adeniken: 18:33

yeah, I'm a work in progress aren't we all?

Sherisse Alexander : 18:37

yeah, I don't mean to belabor the point, I just uh, you talk about and I think it's important to say here. You know you'll use the word god I use many words to denote the energy of god. To, I'll say creator, divine, uh, god, and. But all of that, at the end of the day, is rooted in love yeah, yeah, that's a story for another day.

Sherisse Alexander : 19:04

It is, but all of it, ultimately, is rooted in love and I think that you know, at the beginning of this journey, I would absolutely say you know, I think we, we know what's right or wrong, and I think really, my verbiage has advanced in that, or evolved it's probably a better word to mean more like in alignment with who we really are at our core, and I believe that who we really are at our core is love. So those decisions are either in alignment with love or out of alignment with love. And really, in the book, conversations with God, one of the ideas that's posed is there really are only two feelings it's love and it's fear. Everything in between is either going towards fear or going towards love. And so I think you know, for those folks who have a challenging relationship with God, to make it really, really simple, it's. It can be that simple, right? Am I making this choice out of a place of love?

Sherisse Alexander : 20:09

or am I making this choice out of a place of fear? And fear is those things like all those low vibe emotions right. Anger, envy, doubt, anxiety. All those things right. All those things right, because if you're making choices that are in alignment with god or love, then there is absolutely no room for fear absolutely right.

Jessicah Adeniken: 20:31

It says in the bible love casts out fear 100, and so I totally agree, and it's making me think of the conversation we're having before we started recording. I'm like, hmm, I to actually use that probably in every decision. Yeah, that's a great way of looking at it.

Sherisse Alexander : 20:51

I try to tune in with my. So what I'm currently working on at this phase in my journey is how do I so? Like you, I agree that the relationship with the divine is so personal, and you so. The things that we do in community, such as going to church, leading a youth group, et cetera, et cetera, that's in servitude to God. That's one piece of it, but then there's the very personal relationship that we cultivate on a not even daily basis moment to moment right, and so I think a lot.

Sherisse Alexander : 21:28

I think that's where I am right now, which is like, how do I cultivate? Because if god's talking to us all the time and actually, interestingly enough, you were just talking about, um, bells and whistles and signs and all this other- kind of stuff.

Jessicah Adeniken: 21:42

And I said to you.

Sherisse Alexander : 21:43

You know that god doesn't talk like that.

Jessicah Adeniken: 21:46

True spirit is very subtle it's almost my way of being, like when I have like we were talking about the fact that I have never really been one to be like, oh, like one of my life goals has never been necessarily marriage. I've had the opportunity before and maybe out of fear or maybe out of, uh, knowing better for myself in certain situations, I have chosen not to get married. Um, but I've always said oh, like when people would be like, oh why, why don't you get me? Like, when are you gonna get married, or whatever, and I was like God will literally have to calm down, hit me upside my head, flash a sign with bright lights and be like this is your husband. And I have heard stories not necessarily like that, but like where, you know, god gave one person on the one side of the relationship a prophetic word, whether it was delivered through somebody else or and also the other person like this is who you're supposed to marry. Yeah, I want that kind of percentage where because for me, I think of marriage like, okay, if I'm in love today, I could make the decision like, oh, my god, I'm so in love, I want to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you. Yeah, but feelings change and you know, the heart is deceitful and there's a whole bunch of stuff. Yeah, and so if we're going just based on emotion, that's not necessarily. And or love what our human understanding of love is is not necessarily going to be the thing that is able to keep your marriage together.

Jessicah Adeniken: 23:26

Right, but I feel like if I were to know because God just clearly delivered a message to me and my partner that we're supposed to be together, that even in the hard times, we have to work it out, because this is who God predestined for.

Jessicah Adeniken: 23:43

You know what I mean. Yeah, I do so, even when I hate you, even when I can't stand you. We are working through this, because if I just go based off my own, you know ways of being in a relationship. When I can't stand you, it's time for you to go Deuces, like when I get to that level, for you to go deuces like when I get to that level. But like, so if I knew for certain that god is like no, this is your partner, partner who I, you know, created for you, or he's for you, and I know that god hates divorce, then that means to me that I would be like okay, I gotta work through this? How do we get through this hard part or when feeling, when you're not feeling in love anymore and you're not feeling the romance anymore and you're not, maybe, sexually attracted to your partner anymore. But this is who God has for me.

Sherisse Alexander : 24:34

So I'm going to, we're going to get through it so I guess, then, what I would ask is can you think of a time when you got a sign, a message from God, from someone where you were like okay, I know, this was a message, I know this was for me.

Jessicah Adeniken: 24:55

Yes, okay, okay. So, um, as you know, I'm sure I've shared with you, um, I I feel like I started having dreams that were coming true, what I've come to term or call prophetic dreams, and at first it was like you know, oh, zoe, I had a dream that, like you, were three months pregnant at Shelly's wedding and she was like, oh no, we're not gonna have babies anymore, we're not for a while or whatever. And then she calls me a couple weeks later and she was like I'm gonna kill you. And I was like, why? And she's like I'm pregnant and she's in ultrasound tech and she, for some reason, decided to do a scan on herself and she saw a little fetus inside of her and she was like, and the craziest thing is, I'm going to be three months pregnant at Shelly's wedding, and my friends always lived in Houston and in my dream she came to the wedding and I could clearly see that she was pregnant, but nobody else around us could see that she was pregnant.

Jessicah Adeniken: 26:04

And so when I saw her, like I was standing up in the wedding, and then so when I think it must have been after the ceremony, I ran up to her and I was like, oh my gosh, you're like, so pregnant, like, and she's like. You can tell she's like. Oh my god, I haven't told anybody. No, like, nobody knows yet. And it was like exactly how it was in my dream, where I was the only one.

Sherisse Alexander : 26:23

You had a very prophetic dream.

Jessicah Adeniken: 26:25

So specific, but I was like that's just so, like I thought it was a coincidence. Or there had been other dreams that I'd had where, like maybe God gave me a vision for business. I didn't listen, maybe I have some regrets, but anyways, I didn't know at the time that these were from God, right, and so I had. There had been a series of dreams some of them were sadder than others like, um, like dreaming about somebody's passing and happening, um, and then when that happened, I was like I don't want this if this is from you, god I don't want this, like I don't want to be able to see when somebody, somebody's going to pass away.

Sherisse Alexander : 27:04

And then what?

Jessicah Adeniken: 27:05

do I do with that information? You know what I mean. Like so, and then I just did you turn it off, I think at that time, have you turned it back on? Yes and no, I have. But I, okay, let me get, I'll clarify that. Um, at that time I was like, okay, let me get, I'll clarify that. At that time, I was like I don't want this and I think God doesn't force anything on us, right? And so for a while, I stopped having these dreams and then I started praying and asking God like is this from you? I want to know when you're talking to me. You know, some people will say, like God spoke to me and blah, blah, blah. And it's different for everybody, right? Um, and so I was like I want to know that. I know that. I know, because I'm the kind of person who I will doubt and convince myself, like I will talk myself out of something, like you know what I mean.

Sherisse Alexander : 27:59

I think that when you as strong as your relationship is with god and sorry to interrupt you, but I think as strong as your relationship is with god and sorry to interrupt you but, I think, as strong as your relationship is with god, I think it's totally natural to question the validity of any of the clairs right, well and and and in the bible it does say like test the spirits, like to know that if it's of god, so you are.

Jessicah Adeniken: 28:20

It's okay to question, yeah, whether this is so. I was praying about it and then I remember it was my brother's 38th birthday dopest party ever I think I remember that yeah it was like a throwback party. It was so fun, and so I was dropping my daughter off to her grandparents. And so this is eight years ago. I was dropping my daughter off to her grandparents, and then they were going to go to their church.

Jessicah Adeniken: 28:46

The next morning and so she was like mom, are you going to come to church tomorrow, like. And I said I promise I'll be there. Now I get to the party and I'm having so much fun that I like something in my head started being like you're not going to go to church tomorrow, you're going to be up partying all night, just a blast. And at about 1 am and I'm not a sleeper like I like I can hang. Ask anybody. I've tried with all my might to get everybody that I love to ever at some point pull them all nighter with me. Nobody can do it. I can do it, although it's getting harder as I get older. Um, but at that time, like me, I wouldn't probably go to sleep till four in the morning on a regular basis. So at one in the morning I remember Les was like I was laying on the couch and Les was talking to me and I just got like this wave of exhaustion.

Jessicah Adeniken: 29:36

And I was like, just like I felt so tired and I was like, Les, I'll be right back, and I went upstairs and I like went into the den and I passed out for the rest of the party Like I was done. And to this day I say God, put me to sleep because I made a promise for the church.

Jessicah Adeniken: 29:56

So I woke up at like six in the morning and then I was like, well, I'm up, so I might as well go home, get ready and then go to church. So I did and I don't remember what the service was about or any of that. But then I remember I was sitting next to Shakira, which is my sister-in-law, which is my daughter's aunt, and, um, the minister at the front called everyone, called people, like did an altar call or called people up for prayer, and I feel like the majority of the church went up and I am the kind of person I'm like I'm just going to sit back here. And I was actually sitting close to the front and this gentleman who is now a minister but at the time I didn't know who he was and he came up up to me and said do you mind if I pray with with you? And I'm a very like awkward person, but I was like you know, oh, yeah, sure you know like kind of like oh gosh.

Jessicah Adeniken: 30:57

And so he starts praying and then he like, as he's praying, he stops and says God wants you to know that he has been speaking to you through your visions and your dreams. Wow, and I was like this is somebody I have never met and I've never had a conversation with him to this day, after this. And I was like, okay, there's no way he would know that, that, like I have dreams or that I've been. Even that's a question I've been asking God. Right, I'm curious.

Sherisse Alexander : 31:30

when I hear stories like this, I'm always curious like how? Because you know, the question people always pose is exactly that Like how do I know if this is in my head, how do I know? So how much time was it between that question Like are these visions coming from you?

Jessicah Adeniken: 31:48

and the answer I would say I had prayed about it multiple times. Probably. You know, okay, I'm having like frequent dreams, and then there was a few that I had that I didn't feel like necessarily aligned and they didn't manifest in life which, okay, not every single dream you have is going to be but I felt like at the time, the only time that I dreamed or remembered my dreams, it was like it was a prophetic dream, and so there was a I would say maybe, let me think I would say it was probably a couple months and the the reason I probably was asking I don't even know if it was that long, to be honest, yeah, um, but I think the reason that I was asking was I was basically at the end stages of a situationship and the dreams that I had that were not coming to fruition had to do with that situation and so I was like okay, like I'm not clear, is this from you, or is this some other, you know, or is it my own mind?

Sherisse Alexander : 33:06

and sometimes also, though, what can happen is how do you? It's tough. So if spirit's talking all the time, we also have to be open to listening, and is it possible? That is, I think, the way that I related it to someone is like, if you imagine the connection between us and the divine and what that communication looks like, there's a lot of interference in between, so your vibe has to be in a certain place, like a certain level to actually hear that.

Sherisse Alexander : 33:36

So if you were to visualize it, I'm down here, god's up here. Yeah, there's a lot in between us A hundred percent. How do I get closer?

Jessicah Adeniken: 33:44

And yes, it's a direct connection, but you can't always hear, or see the way we talk about it in, like the Christian belief system is that, like the devil or the enemy likes to distract us, Right Like so he'll use things like you're so busy You're, and then, by the time it's time to pray, you're so tired.

Jessicah Adeniken: 34:11

Or you know, like you've got your phone and you've got games and apps and you've got emails and you've got all of these things in your hand, and then you've got your kids and you've got x amount of things that keep your day so full that it's really hard to quiet the noise right. But, like you said, if you can tune all those things out, it's easier to hear the voice of god. Yep, and so for me, I wasn't sure, like some people, actually have heard the audible voice of god. Some people it's, or like oftentimes it's referred to as the still small voice, and one of the ways that I've learned that you can detect if it's you or god is that number one god. His voice will always align with his word, right? He's not going to lead you into sin or he's not going to do something that is against his word. He's not a man, he cannot lie.

Jessicah Adeniken: 35:09

So, and then also, it's like usually of like, if something pops into your mind, it's like a thought that it would not be your own thought. Do you know what I mean? Like I wouldn't think like that or I wouldn't. You know what I mean? Do you know what I mean Like I?

Sherisse Alexander : 35:26

wouldn't think like that or I wouldn't you know what I mean. Um, I always think. Sometimes, though, it's it that does happen. But how I know is like, if I ask a question in the morning and somebody and I, I think I've channeled the answer, and then you do that thing where you're like was that me Like, was that my ego like, was that spirit or whatever? And then you have a conversation with somebody, like in the same day, and they are answering a question or saying something that you were just questioning to me. That's like okay, and I've definitely had that happen where I'm like you just answered my question. Thank you, man, thank you for the message from god.

Jessicah Adeniken: 36:04

I got it and I feel like you do get like, remember the butterfly thing? Yeah, you posed a question when we were talking. You're like okay, spirit, if, da-da-da-da-da, I'm going to see butterflies sometime. And then I was like, do I have something in my hair? And there was like a little charm I had had. Maybe I had lock extensions or something. And on it there was a butterfly.

Jessicah Adeniken: 36:28

And I'm not even a butterfly kind of chick, so like, and it was like that same, like in that moment and that's not always how it happens, right, like. Sometimes people are like, well, I asked God and I didn't get an answer. You know what I mean. But also he wants us to continually be talking to him, right? And so sometimes, when he doesn't give us the automatic answer, it's maybe to train us to continually seek him um, there was also an idea, that somebody also, so the answer is not always direct right and this is why, for our logical brain, it's so tricky, because it's not black and white, it's not one plus one equals two.

Sherisse Alexander : 37:07

It's the divine, it's the unseen.

Jessicah Adeniken: 37:10

So it is when the time is right, not in man time, exactly in the divine time you know, god exists outside of time, right, and so, like, what I've learned in my own life is that, like God always comes through and sometimes for me, I find it's literally at the like 11th hour, and so I get into like a state of like maybe panic or stress and worry, you know, and then he comes through the last second and I'm like, oh, you're funny, okay, god, but he does it to me every time and it's like, when are you going to learn that? I always come through on time. It's just not necessarily the timing that I think it should be, but he's shown up time and time again. So, um, yeah, like I, and actually what?

Jessicah Adeniken: 37:58

What that gentleman had said? Circling back to he said that god wanted me to know. He has been speaking to me through my visions and my dreams and he said he wants you to commit and he will start to reveal more to you. Yep, and I know, at that time in my life I wasn't ready fully. Yeah, you know, and what in the world now was that? That thing just flew off the wall, I don't know.

Sherisse Alexander : 38:25

Okay, god, you know, like I think, are you committing right now? Well, I am committing.

Jessicah Adeniken: 38:31

Was that like an affirmation? I don't know, but something just flew off my wall. It's been on the bookshelf for months and I moved it the other day and it's been up for days and then it just flew off and landed right at our feet. So that's interesting. Um, take that as a sign. He's like uh-huh how eight years it took you. Okay, um, but yes, just a slow learner I am. I I'm a quick learner when it comes to like actually like learning anything educationally. I don't think that it's that you're a quick learner when it comes to like actually like learning anything educationally.

Sherisse Alexander : 39:05

I don't think that it's that you're a slow learner. I think that's your.

Jessicah Adeniken: 39:07

I'm a stubborn person. Yes, okay.

Sherisse Alexander : 39:09

And you and I have had this conversation, so we don't need to reiterate it.

Jessicah Adeniken: 39:15

Yes, I am stubborn, I come by it honestly, but yeah so. So he said that I needed to commit, and that was somewhere where I was like, oh, like, okay. So now I know he's speaking to me through my visions and my dreams, but I need to commit before he'll reveal more to me, okay. Well, how much do I want these visions and dreams? And am I ready to be used in a way where, like, if I'm supposed to be, obviously if he's giving this to me, then it's to be used, right, and was I ready to be used? Was I ready to commit to him fully? What did that look like? And again, I'm a little stubborn.

Jessicah Adeniken: 40:02

So there has been times where I think of it as, the further I am away from God spiritually, the less I'm spending time in prayer, or you know when I wasn't going to church regularly, whatever it is the further I am in my walk away from god, um, the less I have these dreams.

Jessicah Adeniken: 40:25

So I could go a big period of time depending on how in alignment I am with god, right, and then and that will even look like are you sleeping? Because if he speaks to you through your visions and your dreams, then you're gonna need to need to sleep sometimes, you know, and I could sometimes go months and months and months with, like, getting a couple hours of sleep a night. You know what I mean. And so, and also asking God to speak to me, right, like, and not just taking it for granted that he does, but like, hey, I would like to hear from you more. I would like these visions, I would like these dreams, also learning what do I do with that? And that kind of goes into the whole what you were speaking about, about the clairs and stuff right and so um, how do you, when you realize you have those gifts, how do you?

Sherisse Alexander : 41:25

what do you do with them?

Jessicah Adeniken: 41:25

yeah, like I like when for you, like when it first became clear to you that you had I think that, if anything, what it does more than anything else is it gives me such.

Sherisse Alexander : 41:42

It actually was. You were talking I was thinking about when you were talking about the closer you are to god, the further away you are. And I was thinking about my grandmother's popped into my head, both of them absolute devout christians like loved god. Never understood, I never understood it for the life of me. Man, you really love this god guy? Yeah, and I couldn't understand it.

Sherisse Alexander : 42:05

Now I do, um, and the reason why I do is because you know you can have a conversation with your bestie, but your bestie's experience is colored, or the advice they're going to give you is colored by their own experience, their own trauma, their own belief system, and might have all of the very best intentions but might not give you what you need to hear in that moment.

Sherisse Alexander : 42:33

And I think for me outside of like how I'm going to help other people, for me, it just gives me such a sense of peace and calm that anything that comes my way, and I even see now that when I navigate challenges, it's like, okay, I don't need to have the answer right now, I'm gonna sleep on it, I'm gonna like put it out there, and so now, sometimes what I'll do is, if I have a question, I'll be like give it to me in a dream, please answer me.

Sherisse Alexander : 43:01

In a dream and on this trip yeah, that was one thing that happened there was something that I felt like I needed clarity on, and so, right before I went to sleep, I was like dear god, please give me the clarity I need around this situation in a dream, went to sleep, had a dream weird dream, but not no, it was not not one of those like crazy, weird dreams where you're like and that's normally how I dream. Normally my dream is so full of symbolism that I have to like spend the next day like dissecting it and figuring out what the message is, which is actually part of the fun. But this one was like very clear and it was like, so, like blase that I was like all right, that's kind of an interesting boring dream.

Sherisse Alexander : 43:49

But okay, fair enough, I shit you not that next day I was having a conversation with somebody and they tell me a story that was my dream.

Sherisse Alexander : 44:00

No, I shit you not oh, I just like and I was like huh all right now, but it was like the way that it unfolded the rest of the clarity that I was seeking. It was like there were crumbs. They're never the answer. It's like you gotta follow these crumbs down this trail right to actually get to the realization. And that's exactly what this was. The dream isn't what answered my question. The dream just led me down this trail to ask better questions. Yeah, and that, and the only reason I knew to follow the trail was because I asked for a dream. I got a dream, and then somebody has a conversation and tells me something. That is the dream. Yeah to me. Yeah, god was talking to me. Exactly right, like very, very. I didn't. I didn't write it down, I didn't tell anybody about it. How did this guy tell me what my dream was?

Jessicah Adeniken: 44:55

so then I wonder too. Sometimes, though, like, um, yeah, sometimes you can give it to us so clear, and then other times, like you said, it's it's more maybe convoluted or vague, or like you have some dissecting to do. So then what do you do when you maybe are asking or seeking clarity on something and he doesn't just reveal it in a dream or in a conversation, like it's like, do you take that as I just need to wait or do, or like, do I need to?

Sherisse Alexander : 45:31

So I have learned that. One of my lessons and this is probably everybody's lesson, but for me one of my things is learning to be patient, and I've always considered myself to be one of the calmest, most patient, reasonable people for the most part. Okay, like I'm human, so I would.

Jessicah Adeniken: 45:48

I would put myself in that box too, I would say but then I realized, like I have.

Sherisse Alexander : 45:54

I have my triggers, like everyone else, but, um, I've learned that, even even though I believe those things about myself, I realized that the energy that I've been embodying previous to now has been like no, I want the answer and I want it now. That's really the energy. So I think I was doing a really good job of like pretending that I was calm and patient when the truth was like no, I want the answer and I want it right now, and I'm just going to dig and dig and dig until I find it.

Sherisse Alexander : 46:26

But now I realize that, like, sometimes we're not really ready for the answer and sometimes we haven't learned enough to deal with the answer and we haven't evolved enough, right, because it's what you're supposed to do next after you get your answer isn't always so clear, so it's really a lot of patience. So, yes, my questions get answered, but never in the way that I think they should be answered.

Jessicah Adeniken: 46:56

So I'm learning patience and that's just also allowing God to be God, cause, like you know, sometimes we become the gods of our lives, right?

Jessicah Adeniken: 47:05

If you have an achievement, sometimes it's like, oh, I achieved that because of my hard work and whatever, right, and instead of recognizing that that was God that allowed me to X, y or Z, and so in that way, we kind of become the gods of our own lives. Or it's like, if I don't get the answer in time, I'm going to make what I want to happen happen anyways. Right, like I use the example of before I went to university. I always knew that I wanted to at some point to maybe go to university, and I was at in a job where I didn't feel like I was necessarily being as valued or compensated fairly or whatever, and I just got fresh. I was like you know what and this was maybe one of the first dreams that I acknowledged that before I knew that I was having prophetic dreams, god gave me a vision for a business, a name, a business name, and I woke up and I wrote it down.

Sherisse Alexander : 48:07

I designed the logo and then I never did anything with it.

Jessicah Adeniken: 48:10

And so like four years goes by and then I was like you know what? I'm going to go to university. And then the door kind of opened for me to like do the accelerated program Bachelor of Commerce. So I'd get my diploma and my degree in 30 months, two and a half years, and I'm very much a go-getter, like perfectionist freak. So I did this as a single mother of a four year old and I swear I almost killed it, almost killed me, but anyways. And so when I got out of school I was like okay, god, you open the doors and I'm ready. I ran through them, I was successful. Now where are the job opportunities? Right, and you know I was.

Jessicah Adeniken: 48:56

I've never in my life struggled to find a job, ever until I graduated with my degree and I'm like what is happening and I'm submitting resumes and submit and getting defeated and frustrated and you know, at some point I kind of came to the realization. It was like, when God gave me that vision, he didn't say go to school, get the degree, get the validation, you know, walk the stage, have the certificate. He didn't say go to school, get the degree, get the validation, you know, walk the stage, have the certificate.

Jessicah Adeniken: 49:26

He didn't say any of that he gave me an idea for a business. I didn't exactly know what he didn't give. I didn't ask me. I didn't ask any more questions after that. I didn't go well, what kind of business is this and how do I, you know, take your time with it? And I didn't take a step on faith. I was like, well, if I'm gonna have this business and I'm going to need the credentials in order for to get validated you know what I mean and for people to you know, you know, like it was a consulting kind of what I thought was a consulting kind of thing. So then I would need the degree, so that people, you know, were like, oh, she's got the credentials and that.

Jessicah Adeniken: 50:08

And I decided to go my own route 30 intense months of nonstop schooling year round and many sleepless nights and so many Red Bulls and coffees that I couldn't count. And I was sometimes like literally like shaking, like I've never. Yeah, you know. And it was like, huh, you went your own long way and I just said, take a step. You know the crumb. So it's the faith, the taking the step. Yeah, I still struggle with this very much. Oh, I know. Yes, you know your audience doesn. I still struggle with this, but it's like he sometimes is just like. You know, I'm not going to he always, actually, he doesn't show you the full picture. He's just wanting you to take the next step and have faith that.

Sherisse Alexander : 50:57

But you know why we don't get the full picture.

Jessicah Adeniken: 51:00

I believe so.

Jessicah Adeniken: 51:01

Why the full picture, I believe. So why? Because if we did, then I think that takes the faith part out of it, right, and it's like, okay, I know what I need to do a, b, c, d and I'll get there. And sometimes it's just like just trust in me, trust that I'll provide, trust that I'll, that I have everything lined up, I have the right people, the resources, everything that you need lined up, if you just trust in me and take the next step. That's what I think and, um, still, I'm growing in that area. I do have he's. It's been a faith journey for the last eight years. Funnily enough, the timing of that birth date.

Sherisse Alexander : 51:44

I just realized that actually wow, and now that you mention it, huh.

Jessicah Adeniken: 51:48

I didn't even make that connection, but yeah, so it has been a everyday faith walk, but I know so. My sister-in-law, shakira, had a dream, I would say maybe two years ago, and I won't get into the details of the dream, but she was like her automatic reaction was to call me and be like oh my gosh, sister you're going to come into. And I can't remember the dollar amount that she had in this dream. And then she was like God stopped her and was like no, you need to pray about what the message that you need to deliver to her is. She prayed about it before she called me. Then she called me, told me about this dream and she was like, basically, that God has something really major in store for you, but he's going to require you to do something that you're not comfortable with. It's going to take you out of your comfort zone.

Jessicah Adeniken: 52:45

And I was like, okay, amazing, not really good about getting out of my comfort zone and I'd say two years ago I was deep, not in my I'm so comfortable with my life, but like I had kind of like really like retreated from the world, society, social media, everything, and so getting out of that comfort zone, this is like one of the steps. Let's say, okay again, slow learner, whatever, um, but like. So I was like, do I really? I don't know what that, what if that looks like he says pack up and you're gonna go move to xyz, like what it? I'm not ready. Whatever it is, I don't even know what it is, but I'm not ready. Right, I'm not ready to this major thing that might thrust me out into the yeah, that's why we don't get the whole plan right.

Sherisse Alexander : 53:35

That's exact. That's actually where I was going, because if it's something we don't like, yeah on the journey. Well, we're gonna be like, no thanks.

Jessicah Adeniken: 53:42

Yeah, I see the reward, don't like the journey, right so, um, that dream, I don't know that it's still coming, but I do know, for example, like I always sang and then, like for the last, I'd say, 10 years in church, I never. And everyone would be like, why aren't you up there singing? Why aren't you up there singing? And I'd be like, oh, maybe one day you know, like, just right. And so these are like, maybe not things that anybody would think are major, but like now I'm back singing in church, um, which I don't like spotlight, I don like attention, and singing in church is not supposed to be about me anyways.

Jessicah Adeniken: 54:24

But these are the uncomfortable things that I'm now, whether I recognized it at the time or not, that I'm. They're little things but are probably leading me to the bigger thing that he's going, you know, like whatever it is that God's going to require of me. But, hey, I have something great at the end. But to get there, you're going to have to get out of, you have to Come out of hiding. Yeah, you might need to go back on social media. You might need to share your testimony. You might need I don't know what that looks like and it terrifies me testimony you might need I don't know what that looks like and it terrifies me, but I think he's just kind of growing me in little areas so that I am prepared when he's like, hey, this is the next thing, and so yeah.

Sherisse Alexander : 55:13

I think that's exactly. Uh, you know what the journey looks like and what's so interesting within all of that. Like you know, you're talking about not loving the spotlight.

Jessicah Adeniken: 55:24

Neither do I like at all.

Sherisse Alexander : 55:25

I'm totally good to like behind the scenes, a hundred percent, I love it. Don't even give me the accolades, please. Okay, that's not true. Clear cancel release.

Sherisse Alexander : 55:37

And the reason why I say that is because if we're not ready to receive, we don't receive. And that is because if we're not ready to receive, we don't receive. And part of that is being like being okay. And this is a great segue into like why that is you know, like why, why aren't you okay with saying yes, I'm good at this, or saying, yes, I did that? Because it's like almost denying the gift, like saying I don't want it. You know what I mean. And so the energy is like in conflict with each other.

Sherisse Alexander : 56:09

So part of my, my current learnings is like how do I gracefully accept the compliment, the gift, the accolades, all of those things? And it was a question that I posed to a friend and she said to me she's like I want you to go listen to the biography of Mother Teresa. So I started and she asked me she's like what did you like what was immediately apparent to you? Like I'm, it's, it's lengthy, uh. So I'm like maybe I don't even think I'm a quarter of the way through it and she's like what? What was immediately apparent to you, like as you were working your way through the book and I said she doesn't want any accolades at all, she doesn't want her name attached to it, she doesn't want, she doesn't want to take any of the shot, like she is so in servitude to god that she's like like. She's like it's not me, it's like god, like it has nothing to do.

Sherisse Alexander : 57:12

I'm just a servant, like that's it and she's like and what does that energy feel like to you? And I'm like it sounds and feels like she has all her own insecurities about, like the resource that she is. And you know, we look at mother teresa uh, the work that she did and you would have not necessarily ever thought that. You would have just thought, yes, she had a love for god and she was a devout servant to god and the work that she was doing. But like, I'm just, I'm serious, like when they're reading her, her letters and her and her diaries and stuff like that, it's like so much of this energy that you and I are talking about where it's like no, I don't want any of the accolades, but eventually I think you have to move out of that and and not in any sense and not and not right yeah and not even in an egoic sense, right, like just saying I am here, I'm, I'm a servant to humanity or to the divine or god or whatever, um, and just being really really okay with that.

Jessicah Adeniken: 58:09

So well, interestingly enough, um, when we decided what we would talk about and imposter syndrome was the thing that came to mind, this kind of just makes me think, like when you were saying like you know, not wanting the shine, or I remember like, growing up I I I was very like a shy kid and I remember when we started going to the church that I've been at since I was eight, um, they had like a really amazing choir and then they had a children's choir and it was just like just black gospel. It was like, oh, the dopest church ever. And my brother told me I should try out for the children's choir. And at that point in my life I didn't even know I could sing, or think I could sing, and I was like the shyest person ever and I tried out because we had to audition, and so I made the choir, so did my sister, and then the choir director. Shortly after I joined the choir she passed me a cassette tape.

Sherisse Alexander : 59:16

you know, back in the day, and said I want you to learn this song for.

Jessicah Adeniken: 59:20

Tuesday's practice I want you to do the lead on it. I'm like me like why would you pick me like?

Jessicah Adeniken: 59:26

you know, yeah, and I learned it and then, when I first performed it, like everybody was like you would never know that that voice would come out of that girl, you know. And then it was like I got lead after lead after lead and I would be, you know, like, and I'm thinking like my sister, and then my sister can sing, and I'm thinking like why am I, you know, being chosen to do this? You know what I mean. And so, like I always felt like, well, no, like if somebody was like, oh gosh, you and your sister could sing, I would like downplay my not, and genuinely not, like acting modest. I would literally be like, oh, like I'm all right.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:00:13

Like I mean, I can sing, I can, but I can hold a note, yeah, but like I've never thought, oh, I'm such a great singer.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:00:20

You know, what I mean, and that comes to like many other things, right, like um, and so I've I've kind of always like, you know well, and you could easily be like, oh well, I'm not Beyonce, so therefore, like, and you know what I mean, or I'm not Aretha Franklin, or I can't do what so-and-so can do with their voice, like christina aguilera. So then, therefore, I'm not a great singer, yeah, because I can't do what those singers do, yes and um and so, and that like bleeds into so many areas of my life in which it's like like, oh, if I wanted to, you know like, oh, I'm, I know I'm smart in school, I know I'm great in school, okay, so you go to school and you get good grades and awesome, and then after that, it's like the living out, the life, part of it. It's like, well, you know like, why did that person get chosen over me? Well then, they must be, or have this about them, that I maybe don't have Stories begin, you know, yeah, the limiting belief, totally, yeah, like you were saying earlier. And so I'm kind of coming into this place and it's actually interesting.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:01:36

I never go on social media and you know, like Michaela was like do you have a social media page for your hair, like, and I was like no, I started filming the stuff and like making, but I never did the edit, you know. Whatever it is right because then, oh my gosh, what if this blows up right like, what if this becomes bigger than you?

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:01:56

know, I want it to be, or um, and then I, but I did for my birthday. I saw your post. Yeah, and I for some reason maybe because it was 40, I made a birthday post Because I usually make one for my daughter and that's like the only post I make every year.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:02:16

One a year, one a year December 31st, right?

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:02:20

So I made a post and I was on, you know. Then then you start scrolling and I don't know whose page it was, because now instagram, like it's not just the people you follow, that you can see their reels and stuff and so this black woman was talking and she was like basically the gist of what she said. I I literally was like I had to follow her because I need to be able to go back and rewatch this. I was like this is talking to me. It was talking about it's time for you to.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:02:56

She didn't say go outside, but basically, like you've been in hiding, you know what I mean, you've been in hiding, you know what I mean. And like, in order, like some people, maybe it's just they're shy, or they don't want to the criticism of others, or they just don't want to be looked at. You know what I mean? Like I don't necessarily want to share things that are personal, or I don't want to be seen, or I don't want to be judged, or whatever the case may be. And she was like I'm telling you and she had done the same thing, she'd walked away from social media.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:03:27

Hers was months, not years, and then you know, I can't remember the scripture that she was reading, but something was like basically, she realized that, like, in order for God to use her, she needs to be out there, seen. Yeah, do you know what I mean? Yeah, and this is the world that we live in, in, which it could be in. It most likely is, social media is a medium for you know what I mean. And so she was like I'm just encouraging you, it's time for you to come out of hiding, and you know what I mean. And I was like, oh my gosh, this was literally meant for me, and sometimes God speaks to us in those ways too right, absolutely.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:04:07

And I, you know, it's like you can go back into your day-to-day life and then you know, be like, okay, I got that message, but then, like, go back to your you know, but then, funnily enough, like we booked this, months, months, months ago. And then it's like I started having this, like okay, sharice and I are going to do this podcast, and like what if it gets too deep?

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:04:32

Because we can get into deep conversations. What if I get emotional and like whatever. But I'm like this is maybe that like part of coming out. You know, even like when you said why did you buy podcast equipment? It was just like things like I went to radio broadcast school. I have a diploma in radio broadcast. I've never liked my voice, I don't like listening back to it. I just absolutely cringe and um. So I a couple months ago got some podcast equipment just so I could get comfortable again just talking and maybe having to listen to myself back and getting over that disgust. I don't being filmed. I hate when people take videos of me. Pictures Verbiage.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:05:13

Yes.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:05:13

Right Verbiage. In the past I did not love or enjoy those things. But even like the 40th birthday thing, like it's like, okay, you're coming out of hiding, and it's like in order for your gifts to be used to the the fullness that you know god desires for them to be used, maybe you might need to, and also, I guess it's. It's weird. It's like maybe, oh, I'm so modest or or maybe it's egoic to think that, like people care that much about, like that, oh, if I get out there, they're gonna you know what I mean pay so much attention to me that I'm not gonna like all the attention. Like I like and I genuinely don't like attention.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:06:03

But it's like, oh, that's almost an egoic thing to be, like it is egoic, but I think that we had plenty of examples of how social media, unfortunately, can be a very toxic environment and we, we and I say we because you and I've been talking about this podcast for a doggone minute yes, and I literally just decided and I was like I'm just gonna, and it wasn't, actually it was, it was last, oh my gosh, it was last july it was at your sister's house.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:06:36

It was on her birthday, I was doing your hair and sharice just says we should do a podcast together and I was like oh, my god, okay, like yes, and then she said but I'm thinking because she had a lot on her plate like maybe january, beginning of january 2024, that's what I said, and she's cause she had a lot on her plate like maybe January, beginning of January 2024.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:06:53

And she's been gone for a lot. So I was like, well, how are we going to do this? Are we going to you know? She's like we'll figure it out. But then I let that whole idea go. I just done, you know. And then in January it's actually when I saw you, and then you were saying like if you could buy something for yourself, and I was like, oh, I have no. And then you were like think, tell me to think about it. And then I was like, maybe I'd buy some podcast equipment. And then the next time I saw you you were like bought yourself equipment. And then it was like boom, yeah.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:07:23

But part of that is having like, because I've been talking, twirling around in my head, the podcast for like probably two years. With all sincerity, I was trying to figure out how was I going to do it, what was I going to talk about, and it evolved, and how much of yourself, you will reveal and how much well, it was either going to be this kind of personal story type of podcast, or it was going to be more related to the business that I work in, and I wasn't sure what that would look like.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:07:52

So, that's why it took so long, and I have to give props where they're due, because it was actually Helen who would not actually what I should say, a very good friend of mine. It wasn't you, it was someone else who called me and it said we should have a we should do a podcast.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:08:08

We should do a podcast and I was like yeah, so we should have a we should do a podcast.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:08:11

Yes, yeah, we should do a podcast. And I was like, yeah, so we should do it. And then she's like I've never even listened to a podcast before and I'm like that's so random. I don't even think that message was for you, I think it was for me 100. And and then it was helen who was like saying all the stuff that you're saying right now, which was you're meant you have these gifts, you're meant to be used like you can't stay small, you gotta be and terrifying, like I was so scared, like, and all the things she's like and you gotta do, gotta do this on social media.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:08:44

I'm like, ah right, and like you, I only post my kids on social media. There's nothing personal very very little that is personal about me on social media and then that's like you're literally bearing, like you're standing there nude and like, yeah, 100%.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:09:02

And I think you know, even aside just from social media, I think the reality is is that I've seen evidence of in my own life, of the judgment that's in my face and the judgment that's not in my face, and I think you just got to knuckle down and just be like, whatever, I'm living my life, I'm a good human being. I don't make decisions that intentionally hurt other people. We're all doing the very same thing, which is trying to live our lives to the very best of our abilities and just not worrying about what other people have to say, and I think that that's really the idea that we got to really stand firmly rooted in on a daily basis, which is you have gifts. So, jess, you know we've talked a lot about your relationship with God and some imposter syndrome a little bit, and I'm curious. Like you know, we're halfway through the year now it's July. You just had a 40th birthday.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:10:06

What's changed? How are you showing up differently? You mean since my 40th birthday? No, I mean since the beginning of this year, because, okay, so at the very beginning of this year, jess, I'm like one of Jess's biggest cheerleaders. She's so multi-talented and I'm sure you guys know people in your life who have, like all kinds of ridiculous skills and they keep themselves small and you can see their life for them and all of the amazingness that it can be and, for whatever reason, they just don't step up. And so I tried to be just as accountability partner at the beginning of this year, like I even said a reminder on my phone, like call Jess and talk about this, I will message her. I mean, the pop-up still is on my phone, just so you know. So that's what I'm asking Since the beginning of this year, now that we're halfway through the year the goals that you set, where are you with them?

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:11:19

you with them. Um, slow and steady wins the race. I'll start with that. Um, I think actually that's a hard thing for me. Where it's like I guess it's looking back, I can kind of see. Looking forward is a difficult one for me, right? So at the beginning of the year, when you're asking me, okay, like if you could have your biggest wildest dream, and I'm like like, oh God, I wouldn't think about that.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:11:35

I did too.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:11:36

I told her to like go vision board it Right, but I think it isn't necessarily even my biggest wildest dreams. It's like. I think, like I said, okay, so now I'm leading a youth worship team at church, which means a praise team singing, and our youth in our church is growing and God has put the resources. I was like I don't know who the musicians are going to be, and when I had spoken to my pastor, she'd called, wanted me to talk. She's kind of been like when is it going to happen, you know? And I was like soon.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:12:21

And then in April, and I had been really having my migraines and stuff, and I said, okay, I'll call you this week. And it was like almost the end of the week and I'm like I'm gonna have to see her on Sunday and I haven't called her yet. So I was like, let me call. So I called and I said you know, like I'm supposed to get a treatment for my headaches and so, like you know, hopefully within the next like little while, like I'll be feeling better. And then I go to church on Sunday and my cousin Lamar was doing the announce.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:12:49

No, I can't, can't remember, but he was like, in two weeks we're going to have our first youth service and I was like what? Like I didn't have musicians, I didn't have anything. And somehow I have a family of clients that I do their hair and the husband and the two kids all play instruments. The daughter sings, the son is an amazing drummer and the dad can play like multiple instruments and I invited them to the first youth service and now they are members of our church and I have a full band of musicians. Now, if it was up to me, I would have prolonged starting until everything was lined up and I had everything in place.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:13:45

But I was Divine timing don't work like that.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:13:47

I was forced to step out on faith and then god brought it all together. So there's that it wasn't something I was, you know, thinking in january oh, I'm gonna have a worship like these are not things that I'm, that were necessarily my desires. Do you know what I mean? But, um, or going and getting the podcast equipment and instead of stalling and being like no you know when, like I actually found this on marketplace, um, and it's brand new in the box, never been used, for like half the price, and um, you know, like, instead of having these barriers that I use to keep me from you, know safe and small yes.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:14:38

So I would say in that way, even though these were not my intentional things, that I was like these are the things I'm doing to grow and live big. It's like they're just happening and whether I like it or not, they're happening. So, but maybe just being open to it, you know what I mean. Just saying yes.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:15:00

I'm curious, though, like what you put out there, and I think what I'm actually encouraging you to do is to be more intentional. You know and I don't know if you listened to the podcast that I had with Les or not, but we were talking about manifesting, or co-creating with the divine, and I said to him like, because he was like, you know, he has his way of manifesting, and I said we got to be really careful what we put out there and how we put it out there, because you do get exactly what you ask for. People think that they don't, and the example that he used was like oh so if I ask for a new car and my car gets stolen, I'm like, well, think it through, right. You ask for a new car, my car gets stolen. I'm like, we'll think it through, right. You ask for a new car, you go to sleep at night. Your car gets stolen overnight. Now you're going to get a new car oh, that happened to riko before.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:16:03

He was so pissed off about this vehicle that he put so much whatever and he said I wish like it would just like he said something, that like basically that it would just get like written off kind of thing.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:16:14

And I was like don't say that, and I kid you not, it was parked outside of our house and this is when Tellus was laying those optic lines and a backhoe backed over his vehicle out in front of our house. We did not hear it, back over his vehicle out in front of our house, we did not hear it. But they, oh there was no. They said they, they, the backhoe driver wasn't there at that time, like they denied whatever but he, so he didn't get it taken care of. You know what I mean? It ended up?

Sherisse Alexander : 1:16:46

it ended up being like salvaged whatever yeah I was like well, you put that out there yeah, that's why, when people say things like that, I'm like clear, cancel, release, and they always look at me like I'm a weirdo and I'm like verbiage, take it back. Yeah, like, if you think about how these things work, right, and I like again going back to the visual of like us as individuals here on this very dense planet and the divine, and then everything in between and all the stuff that's literally floating around us at any moment in time and how you can have a great idea, let's say divinely guided, but you do have to bring it up out of the ether and bring it down into physical manifestation.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:17:33

So everything begins with a thought, then it's a word, or you speak it out, then we physically begin to put things into motion, right? So that's why, when people say things, I'm like no, no, they didn't mean it. Take it back. Did you mean that?

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:17:48

yes, exactly it is making me think about um. You know, I went to this conference in calgary at my cousin's church and this pastor from africa I can't remember where in africa he's from, but he was talking about how the earth is female. So you know, people say mother earth, she has a womb and she has a mouth and anything that you plant into the earth the earth brings forth right. And the first and the original seed that was planted in the earth was the word. You know. So if you believe in creation story, that god spoke. He said let there be this, let there be that, and everything was brought forth by the word.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:18:30

And the bible says the power of life and death is in the tongue, meaning that you have to be so mindful and intentional and not just speak mindlessly and say things flippantly. You know what I mean. Like I remember years ago I used to just be like when something like was like dramatic, I'd be like, oh, kill me now. Like, like, even in, like jokingly, yeah, and my mom would say don't say that you know what I mean, and not that I was intentionally meaning kill me now, but it was like just something I would just flippantly say. And then when I mean I'm sure there was times after that that she said that to me, that I still said it, but I noticed that over time I stopped saying that, because you're not meaning anything by it, but you're calling it in so much power in what you say, and so, when you and I had spoken in January, you were

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:19:21

like journal and you know telling, like talking to me about, like thinking bigger and not even just like about materialism or whatever, like what I want my life to look like. And I will say honestly, I'm talking like just recently, within the last, I would say, couple months, I started being like like I've been like oh I know I'm gonna need a car soon, like a newer vehicle, you know what I mean. But I don't give it much thought other than that.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:19:55

I'm like well this thing is still kicking.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:19:57

You know, let's go. Then I started being like OK, but what would that vehicle look like? Ok, but an SUV, like you know what I mean? Yeah, or why don't you think about the next home that you'd have? Or like, just actually starting to like, allow myself to think like that instead of thinking that like that sounds so materialistic and you know, god forbid. I think that I want more.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:20:23

I'm pretty sure that god wants you to be comfortable so that you can actually do the work you're supposed to do for him.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:20:28

It says that you know he owns the cattle on a thousand hills, like, like he, every resource, everything is his to do what he wants with Right, and to distribute and to get, and he wants to, and that's that dream that Shakira had. Right, he has more in store for me. I just have to get out of my comfort zone and step and say use me or I'm open, I'm like whatever that looks like right. And so maybe I didn't actively go, stand in a field and say, lord, I'm ready for you to use me. But I think, just in those conversations and the opening my mind to those things and all of that, that if I look back over the last six months, it's happening without me even like saying, oh, this is what I want, god specifically, you know what I mean, but also I do know that you can be specific with God and that he cares down to the like most finite detail Right.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:21:27

And so.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:21:29

I want to issue a challenge here to you very publicly. So anybody that knows Jess, we can all hold her. Yeah, she sure is, she's actually giving me this part out.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:21:46

We're not going to, because we're now more than halfway through the year and in about another three months, people will start thinking about yes, I'm going to say we're now more than halfway through the year and in about another three months, people will start thinking about yes, I'm going to say it 2025, and I want you to be more intentional. Don't live your life by accident. Be far more intentional.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:22:06

So I want you to think she's got the most like mischievous on her face. If you could see it. I wish this was video and audio. I have this laugh. It's giving Cheshire Cat.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:22:24

Well, no, it's not for me, it's for you, because I've been very patient. I've been very, very patient.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:22:31

There's that word again Waiting for you, because I've been very patient, I've been very, very patient.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:22:32

There's that word again. Waiting for you, and I've been. You know, every time you and I chat like so what's going on? So, yes, those things are very lovely, but I want you to just one thing right now.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:22:47

Oh don't. Yes, I hate being on the spot. Yes, you've had a lot of time. Seven months.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:22:51

You've had the entire, like you've had more than half a year.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:22:55

Time's just flying, do you know that? Yeah, it is.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:22:58

But don't distract me.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:23:00

I wish she had given me some warning in advance one thing, one thing, just one thing.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:23:16

That you one goal, and it's not about it's, it's not even about the achievement of that specific goal, it's the journey, right? So pick one thing, and we we did this at the beginning of this year, we talked about it. I don't even know if you did the exercise that I had suggested, which one was think big if you had to like, and what we were talking about.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:23:32

At that point in time, nigeria was on my yeah 40 year bucket yeah, so are you coming?

Sherisse Alexander : 1:23:39

I intend absolutely to okay, yeah, that's not no, and I've.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:23:44

I've had a conversation with my dad very recently about it.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:23:47

In fact, interestingly enough, when my cousin leah was at my birthday which I had no idea she was going to come up for which is awesome somehow we got into the conversation.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:23:57

My dad had been talking to her on the side and she mentioned doing her ancestry. And she's her dad is jamaican and um, she did her ancestry and found that she's like 80 some percent Nigerian, which you know, if you know, you know, yeah. So my dad was like, of course, and he was so excited, my dad's Nigerian for your audience that doesn't know and um, so then my dad got really excited and then was like yes, we need to go and bring Leah, we need to go. Oh, my, all of a sudden, now you're ready to go, but because I've been talking to him about it, but anyways, um, there's yes. So, um, and I have I'm not gonna say, but I have, you know, been like okay, I know what I need to do to make that thing a reality, and so I'm just going to be working towards it okay so let's put a time around it, well I said in my 40th year, I just turned 40 we're in july of 2024.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:25:00

Let's put a time on it. When are you going?

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:25:06

ideally, you know. Let's just put it this way If I miss by a couple months and I'm 41, I would like to go in the colder months in Canada.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:25:18

Excellent, that time is coming up. Oh no, that's too soon.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:25:23

That's too soon.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:25:25

Oh.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:25:25

Jeff, well listen, I mean, nothing is impossible with God. Okay, it can happen. I'm just saying, do you?

Sherisse Alexander : 1:25:33

see the stubbornness, do you see the resistance, do you see like I'm serious, the things that I?

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:25:40

put out there at the end of last year. Also, I'm Nigerian, so stubbornness is one of our wonderful characteristics.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:25:48

Okay, I do I.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:25:48

Characteristics.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:25:50

Okay.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:25:53

I do. I want to go, but also I have like a couple things Like I'm supposed to be going to Cayman Islands to see my sister. I'm supposed to be sending my daughter to France this year. There's some things, however.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:26:06

You're so messy.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:26:07

If I'm calling it all in, then God will align the resources and the things that I need to make it so, and I also have to actively be, you know.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:26:20

Okay, so that's, that's the thing you want. To go to Nigeria, yes, okay. So by July of next year, jess will be have at least at least made the trip to Nigeria. You said colder months, so they're coming up.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:26:37

That's rapido. That's rapido, it's not that fast.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:26:42

I mean, it's that fast but, realistically speaking, it's not like you don't have a place to go, you don't have a place to stay, it's just a flight, like it's realistically, like you're already putting. You see how you're doing, you're already putting up all kinds of objections. You see my, like, my body language yeah, it's making her nervous and I don't know why. So that would maybe I would probably ask myself that question like why am I so anxious about this right now?

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:27:05

maybe I'll uh answer that after the podcast. Yeah, you don't need to ask.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:27:08

you don't need to answer it here and now for everybody to hear, but that would be an example of a question I would ask myself.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:27:14

Why am I?

Sherisse Alexander : 1:27:15

so anxious about Like, why does it make me have a physical response?

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:27:20

I think just like putting me on the spot. But then again, like I said, if I wasn't told, oh, in two weeks we're doing this, I would have you know, put it off until it was a little more.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:27:35

I see you really like being in your comfort zone is really what you're saying, or in control or something.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:27:40

So sometimes, when put on this, it's a good thing, because if left to my own devices, 40 turns to 50. So yes, thank you. Thank you for that, charisse.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:27:53

I love you for that Wonderful Thank you. And on to the next topic You're so welcome. Well, you know, jess, I just want to say thank you. I love sitting and chatting with you. All of our conversations are always like this we had an idea of what we were going to talk about, and I think we only touched on it briefly, briefly, but I do think that the conversation nonetheless was extremely. I enjoyed it thoroughly.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:28:24

I mean, we can always do a part two, of course, when.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:28:27

I'm in Nigeria, yes, visiting. I'm glad you put that out there. Yeah, that'd be cool. It absolutely would be.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:28:36

That would be a nice follow up.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:28:37

It absolutely would be like here we are.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:28:40

I know what I honestly think, like I was thinking about this the other day me to go to my native country, to the motherland, to go that I will, I expect, or I believe there's like maybe this like understanding me, like really fully stepping into me, like all of that, what that means, what that looks like you know what I?

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:29:08

mean. So it is something that I do really want. I think then I'll finally be like okay, now the things that I'm like I'm not sure, like I think I'll have like some answers for some things.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:29:20

It's a very rewarding experience. I'm sure that when I do my own genealogy that you know, I mean my family's from the Caribbean You're from. I mean, yeah, yeah, so I'm sure that there's something similar there, um, but when I, when people ask me about my experience in nigeria, I all nigerians are always shocked by the answer, which is I love it and it has been truly one of the most rewarding experiences that I've ever had, and not for any of the reasons that I would have initially thought um, and I think, actually, it finally resonated for me what the answer was.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:29:59

I think it was one of my kids that I was saying uh, and the answer for me was I feel like I finally got the gift of myself yes right and not again in the way that people think right or might think, or even that I might think like you just go and now, all of a sudden, you're like, oh my gosh, I make so much more sense to myself no, it's not at all like that it's this journey, yeah, of discovery of self that nigeria has given to me. So thank you n Nigeria. If I haven't said it enough, I'm putting out lots of gratitude for the experience of Nigeria. So if you're ever thinking about it, go Well.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:30:40

okay, nigeria, if you're listening, please send all the resources that I will need to make it to you. Yes, and I'm sure Nigeria will just love me as much as I will love nigeria I'm positive about of it oh, I'm, I definitely I like it's something that I don't think I'll feel complete until it happens. Um, so yeah, that's definitely on the list of things.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:31:07

So, listeners, you heard that commitment Nigeria by July 2020, 20, sorry, 2025. We have put it out there and now, and so it is, and so it is.

Jessicah Adeniken: 1:31:21

It's a perfect way to end this. A hundred percent.

Sherisse Alexander : 1:31:24

Well again, Jess, thank you. As always, it's a joy and a pleasure to share time and experience with you and laugh and just be ourselves and thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you again for joining myself and Jessicah today as we chatted about imposter syndrome and how we meet the challenges and the experiences along this beautiful journey called life, and how we are both looking to use faith and spirituality on a moment to moment, daily basis in our lives. If you continue to enjoy the content, please feel free to continue to listen on Apple podcasts or Spotify, and if you have any questions, ideas for feedback or sorry content, please feel free to email me at sherisse@yourcollective. ca. That's S H E R I S S E at your collective. ca, and until next time, please take care of yourselves.