Unlocking Clarity: The Power of NLSE

Summary 

In this enlightening conversation, Sherisse Alexander and Kyle Smith delve into the transformative practice of Neuro-Linguistic Somatic Experience (NLSE). Kyle shares his personal journey from personal training to becoming a clarity consultant, emphasizing the importance of integrating mind and body for holistic healing. They discuss the common challenges individuals face in seeking clarity, the significance of self-awareness, and actionable steps listeners can take to enhance their decision-making and emotional intelligence. The conversation highlights the power of language, the impact of societal norms, and the importance of kindness in fostering a positive mindset.

Takeaways

• Kyle Smith's journey to becoming a clarity consultant began with his own struggles with clarity.
• Neuro-Linguistic Somatic Experience (NLSE) combines mind and body practices for holistic healing.
• The connection between mind and body is crucial for emotional processing and clarity.
• Many individuals feel stuck or at a ceiling in their personal or professional lives.
• Encouraging self-inquiry about one's thoughts can lead to greater self-awareness.
• Practicing kindness towards oneself can enhance overall well-being and emotional resilience.
• The importance of making solid decisions rather than soft talk to improve clarity.
• Societal norms often encourage dependency on external validation rather than internal guidance.
• Mindfulness and breath work are essential tools for managing emotions and enhancing clarity.
• Creating a peaceful mindset involves removing distractions and focusing on what one can control.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Neuro-Linguistic Somatic Experience
• 37:00 Understanding Clarity Consulting and Its Impact

Transcript

Sherisse Alexander (00:07)
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, wherever you might be when you're listening to this. My name is Sherisse Alexander, Your host of Your Collective. On today's episode, I'll be sitting down with Kyle Smith. Kyle Smith is a clarity consultant as well as the developer of neuro-linguistic somatic experience. You might be wondering what the heck is that? Well, today you will find out more about exactly what neuro-linguistic somatic experience is all about.

So without further delay, let us dive in.

Sherisse Alexander (00:42)
Let us dive in. Welcome to Your Collective Thank you so much for joining me today to talk more about yourself, who you are, what you do. So with that, can you tell me a little bit more about yourself and Your journey to becoming a clarity consultant?

Kyle Smith (01:00)
Absolutely. In short, I turned my problems into passions. So for me to be a clarity consultant, I started out with being unclear.

And so the thing that I got from that was I was at a point, there was a very pivotal point in my life where I wanted to make an adjustment in who I wanted to be and show up as, and not so much try to become someone new, but become more rooted in me because I knew what I wanted to bring to the world or bring to myself and those around me. And then it started a 10 year journey.

towards exploring different modalities to try to see what brought me closer to what I now believe to be the same thing everyone wants is abundance, joy, freedom, experience, fulfillment, peace, a fellowship, peace. I think that everyone wants that outcome. And then it's figuring out the modalities that just get people closer to that. So what worked for me?

was story work and breath work. And I combined the two and that's where we get NLSE

Sherisse Alexander (02:15)
So NLSE stands for

Kyle Smith (02:20)
neuro-linguistic somatic experience.

Sherisse Alexander (02:23)
So let's break that down. think some people, think NLP is starting to gain a little bit more traction out there. So let's talk more about exactly what that means when we talk about an NLSE.

Kyle Smith (02:37)
Totally. So I'll share the differenti, what makes my practice different than other practices, including NLP. So NLP, therapy, counseling, talking heads. I'll call these head heavy experiences. And then you have body focus, body heavy, where it could be acupuncture, sound healing, could be, I don't know.

plant medicines, could be something else, like another, like something that's more physical, not plant medicines, plant medicines doesn't count on that one. Let's say physical activity or yoga or things like that. So my practice hits the head and body, hits the head and the heart. And so where the head heavy practices, it doesn't involve the body and it doesn't involve the emotion. So there's a disconnect.

And what happens is that the stories stay in the mind. However, the emotions or the stories stay in the mind because the emotions are still in there. And so it keeps on coming up, keeps on cycling. So that's how it's different. It includes the head and the body. In my case, it's not just head and it's not just body. It's a nice little dance between both.

Sherisse Alexander (03:53)
So you're really working on connecting or helping people explore that connection between mind and body then. Because you said, you know, NLP is very head heavy. All the other modalities is very physical heavy. So we blend the two so that we can understand it better than I suppose. Because you said, you know, there's the stories and so we sure we might work on new neural pathways, etc, etc.

But those emotions are still there. So what do we do then with the breath work to help deal with the emotions? I'm totally getting off track here from what I was going to talk.

Kyle Smith (04:32)
No, that's all good. I can, I can loop, I can loop around to breaking down, NLSE cause then it shows a bigger, provides a lot of context into how it all interacts. So it's a top to bottom approach. So N being neuro, that being of the mind and also of the nervous system. So that's the information system where if we want to move our fingers and stuff like that, our brain is going to send that information through our nervous system, stimulate the right things to be able to do the thing we want it to do.

Yeah. and in the mind or the neuro part as well, given that as the mind I work on mindset as well. And, I define mindset as the stories we tell ourselves about ourself or our opinion of ourself. And so we can have a higher or lesser opinion of ourself. When we have a higher opinion of ourself, we feel good about ourself, our self esteem, our respect for ourself increases. We can have a lesser opinion of ourself.

And that is pretty simple. We just try to figure out what to do in that moment to be able to think better of ourselves. And so when we have that as a working practical definition, people have a reference point to understand whereabouts they're at in, well, how they think of themselves. then that's going into linguistics and that's what we say, what we think, what we write and how we breathe. Cause the breath is the language of the body. And so for the first three, I think of.

words as the ethereal macronutrients of the mind. So we have macronutrients for the body, carbs, fats, and proteins, and the quality of our macronutrients that we consume is going to influence the quality of the body. So with that logic, if we're feeding our mind quality words, we're going to have quality thoughts. If we're feeding our mind crap words, we're going to have crap thoughts. And so when we become more aware or thinking about our thinking,

then we can figure out which words are helpful, which words are harmful. And then those come together as stories as well. And stories are simply experiences in time. And then for the breath being the language of the body, when we're high and tight, we're good to fight. When we're low and slow, we're good to flow. And so when we're just sitting here and we're calm and we're in a chill set and setting, and we're like, yeah, we're hanging around all the cool peeps, having a good time.

And then suddenly you're like, why am I, why is my, why am I upregulated? why am I more excitable? Why is it that I'm more anxious? Am I overwhelmed right now? And our body's perceiving something as a threat. And then we can go in there and say, I hear you. Let's take a second.

We're safe. We're good. You're making something out of nothing. Chill.

Sherisse Alexander (07:21)
You know, the thought that occurs to me when you talk about that though, that requires a almost a hyper awareness of the subtleties of what's going on in Your body. Now there's obviously the very in Your face physical manifestation. for example, to, you know, the last couple of days, my sciatic nerve, but sometimes it's not that obvious. So I imagine that, you know, when most of Your clients come to you, are they already

hyper aware of those subtle changes of energy within their body? is this now something that now this because it's a new path now, right? Like if I never paid attention to being in my body, this is a whole new experience for for people. So how do you how do you do that? How do you get that? I mean, it's taken me years to like get to that hyper awareness.

Kyle Smith (08:10)
So I would say it's also taken me years as well. And I think that that level of awareness, it eventually, we may perceive it as hyper awareness and eventually it simply just becomes awareness. And so as we practice that process, cause I do a lot of thinking and I have a lot of conversations, internal dialogue, there's a lot I can go on in there and it's directed, it's controlled.

And so I like to explore that and that did take practice over time. And with the, with the work, when people are getting their stories and then they're putting that connection of, this word brings out this feeling. And I feel this feeling in this part of my body. And overall, it feels this intense. So over time, it becomes something that is, it just becomes automatic in the mind.

So it starts as a practice externally. And then as those neuro pathways are being, trained and practiced, cause I see NLSE as a practice participation is required to get to where you want to go. And so as we're practicing, then what happens is we just gain more awareness and accuracy. Cause I think it's not even aware. There is awareness to it. And I think it's accuracy in reading the messages. Yes.

Sherisse Alexander (09:21)
Yeah.

Absolutely, which takes is what takes the time.

Kyle Smith (09:40)
Totally. And so it's just practice it externally and then eventually it becomes an internal practice.

Sherisse Alexander (09:47)
It's kind of like a puzzle of yourself, really, because when you start to have this awareness of the subtleties that are going on within the body, well, now you've got to figure out what the code means. And then the tools and resources that come along. So of course, I talk about Louise Hay. And I know that there are other folks who talk about how these things physically manifest in our body.

It's not always obviously a hundred percent and it's a language that gets spoken very uniquely and individually to each and every one of us. So there's that whole decoder piece that you have to go through. So for Your journey then, I imagine that's really how it started. Cause you know, when I found you, of course, the first thing I did was I Googled neuro-linguistic somatic experience and there was zero.

It comes up with like NLP. for you, what was like, how did that journey get to here? I know you said you started experience like, you know, really practicing on yourself, but take us a little bit more through how it got to this piece.

Kyle Smith (10:57)
Totally. That's cool. Actually something that's really funny. I had a podcast recording yesterday and after we were finished recording, he's like, so how many, how many people do you have? Like, is there like 400, 500 people practicing this? Like, I know it's new. Like how many people are doing it? I'm like, bro, I am the sole practitioner right now. So, uh, so in saying that

Yes, I am the creator of NLSE. And I also think that titles are a way to gift wrap an amalgamation of practices that worked for people. let's say, for example, like there's the core things, like there's things that worked in this realm and this realm, and then people can just put them together. They wrap it up in their own little bow and then they present it with their own story. And that's how you develop a personal brand.

And so with that, I practiced story work, which that one is something where I'm a part of like a collection of individuals. There is a community for story work and there's a certification for it. So that one I got introduced a couple of years back when I was doing my own podcasting. And before that, I had a couple of experiences where I was really reframing my mind just simply because of the

information I was consuming, philosophy, exploration, anything like metaphysics, psychology, neurology. So I was exploring a variety of things to feel awesome, to get to a point where I felt badass. so story work came along and before that I was working on my own communication.

And I had an experience with a client that brought this to my attention. That was pretty cool. I describe us as being solid client coach. However, not at that, right? Not at that time, like him and I vibe really well. We vibed really well past tense and it was, I was, he was making progress. He was upset with how progress was going. Cause before this, I was a personal trainer. So was doing nutrition and fitness and then

And this particular story was a catalyst story to the story work. So what I basically experienced was we had a disagreement. He was making progress. wasn't quick enough for him. So we decided to part ways. And he was saying that I wasn't taking accountability for the program. So after that, then I had this internal dialogue. I'm like, Holy smokes, maybe it is the program. Maybe it is the program. And then I had a client follow up.

And I kid you not almost side by side, individual, same goals, same build family. The only difference was age. Like the other fellow is older. So he had that where people could be like, I'm too old to like make progress. That is incorrect. That was incorrect. So this fella, he fricking crush it. He went from 235 to 199, 195 is his lowest.

in a matter of three months. And so I thought to myself, okay, it is not the practice. So what was it? And it was my communication. I was trying to pull him towards where I thought he could be rather than meeting him where he was at. So then that got me into communication. Communication got me, well, I wanted to practice with podcast, got me introduced to story work, practiced it on myself and had really solid changes and then learned how to do it as a practice.

And then breath work I had as a practice for about 13, 14 years where I would practice it on the regular. I, I would, could easily do it's a, now consider it an autotelic behavior. So it takes me no effort to do it. Like to convince myself to do it. It's like not even a thought. It's like, do I want breath work? Yeah, I'm done. I have five minutes. I have 30 minutes. I'm done. So it's, it's automatic.

Sherisse Alexander (15:11)
that, you know, because I don't even remember when I started doing breath work. I don't know, maybe four or five years ago, something like that. But now it's like, my natural is like that slow, easy, chill breath. It's very rare to find myself high. And when I do, it's like, okay, wait, I got to go to my breath work. I got to slow this down, I guess, because so I can think.

Right? Because clearly I can see I'm not in a situation where I need to fight or fly. So I got to calm myself down from whatever external stimuli is going on right now so that I can actually think through what it is I'm feeling. Right? So.

Kyle Smith (15:55)
or internal stimuli.

Sherisse Alexander (15:58)
which is generally speaking, I'm a head dweller.

Kyle Smith (16:02)
Head-dweller. I like that. I'm gonna steal it.

Sherisse Alexander (16:05)
I'm

a head dweller. I a lot of time with my thoughts, which can be great. But it can also be, I've always said that mind is an absolutely beautiful thing that we've only scratched the surface on uncovering. I totally understand the idea around being very, very mindful of Your thoughts because they can go down some pretty crazy or gnarly rabbit holes if I allow myself to get started.

okay. So that makes sense. So then the transition for you from being a personal trainer and then doing this exploration and practice on yourself. And then you decide you're going to go out into the world and, and help and share the gift of what you have learned for yourself. And how long have you been doing that for? And what's that experience been by? Have you been pretty successful in getting people to understand the interplay between, you know, the mind, the body, the breath, the story, so on and so forth?

Kyle Smith (17:05)
Yes. So, it was three years, I would say the total duration of time where it's been the main focus has it been close, like, let's say like smidge north of three years, not, it's not four. and it was learning, developing, seeing how it fits together for the first year. Then the second year is practicing and organizing it. I've done

I'm north of a hundred sessions that I've practiced this with and a variety of people, both in person, online, in communities. And, so then it was purposefully to battle test it. And so when I had enough data to back up the evidence that it is a practice that has utility that people could benefit from, that's when I'm in this section now where it's about, building the audience to introduce it.

Not even building the to share this frame and whoever it resonates with, encourage them to explore their thinking and to see where it goes from there. then from here, it's just keep on doing what I'm doing and then just simply expand new level, new level, new level, consolidate, expand, consolidate, expand.

Sherisse Alexander (18:29)
constant refinement.

Kyle Smith (18:31)
Absolutely.

Sherisse Alexander (18:32)
So when somebody comes to see you, of course, generally, what are some of the common challenges that people are facing when they are seeking clarity? Like, what's the number? Like, people just be like, I'm just so confused and I have no direction and I just ran into you somewhere online?

Kyle Smith (18:53)
Well, yeah, that last part, yeah, ran into me somewhere online. That one's accurate. And then...

with, it's, it is context specific. So some of the things is the common thing is I'm stuck and I don't know how to get myself out. And then another thing is I have momentum and I'm crushing it and I've reached my ceiling and I don't know how to pass that. And so it's when people are both getting unstuck as well as they're, they're slaying it and they can't

Like they've got the controllable variables all set and now it's just reworking of the mind For example for this is a cool one. For example, so sit a fellow that I like I like how he did this and it's very similar because it's narratively structured I just get the feels in it and it's about character creation So I have a character creation aspect of my practice too. Yeah, and this fella Todd Herman who's also from Edmonton He was the mindset coach for Kobe Bryant

Sherisse Alexander (20:01)
Okay.

Kyle Smith (20:02)
And when Kobe was like on his upper threshold, he's like, I don't know what else I can do to be able to go further. And when there's nothing else we can see, then it's what we don't see. And so we dove in. And so the archetype, the character of the Black Mamba was created so that he would be able to flip this switch and go into his zone of genius and show up on the field of play in order.

as the character in order to accomplish what he wants to accomplish. So it's when people are at their peak, which

Sherisse Alexander (20:41)
Everybody's got a little more.

Kyle Smith (20:43)
And then when folks are stuck. Yeah.

Sherisse Alexander (20:46)
Okay, so that would be for the audience. If you're feeling stuck, that is maybe an indication that there's exploration that can happen. some, there's definitely some exploration that you might want to dig into. You know, one of the things that I hear you saying, I've been watching a couple of the podcasts that you've been on and you said you're encouraging people to,

really inquire about the way they think. That seems like a really tricky one, right? Because I just, when I heard that, I'm like, way that I think, like, I understand what it means. But I'm imagining being like, you know, a virgin for lack of putting it a better way. And somebody says, you know, I'm encouraging you to think about the way you think. Well, what do you mean? Like, so how do you give people to actually stop and think about the things that they're saying to themselves, the thoughts that they're putting together? Because, you know, the way I visualize this whole manifestation thing.

It's like there's all these ideas that are literally floating around in the ether and we grab onto one and here it is. It's the seed is planted. And then we start talking to ourselves internally about positive or negative, good or bad, whatever it is. But we start now telling ourselves a story about said thought that's been planted. And then we now actually start talking about it outside of ourselves to other people. And then it starts actually, then we start to see evidence.

being validated in our experience. So now it's reinforcing said thought, positive or negative. how do you, like, what is that first step in saying, you know, mind Your thoughts and start thinking about the way that you're thinking.

Because I don't imagine it's action.

Kyle Smith (22:32)
You know, as you were talking about, I was actually thinking that it was pretty easy because of the experiential component. So people feel things sooner with this practice. So they feel like they're making progress earlier. So it encourages them to do more. Okay. And so the way to, the way to get people to think about their thinking is to separate it from their mind. So take a story or a statement. sure. Easy. I'm a failure with this one. Take a statement, take it from the mind and then explore that statement.

So the way that I would do it is the way that you have experienced it was the separation of it, create distance, breathe through it, basically draft, craft and supercharge into a statement that is accurate and true because people when it's similar to you're debating yourself. And so you know how earlier you had the thought that came up and then you take that thought and then you

creating Your reality. That's if you reject or accept the thought. So let's say for example, I wake up in the morning, I look in the mirror and I'm like, you suck. First option, yeah, I guess you're right. Second option, I don't believe that's true because I have more data to back up that I don't suck. And so people...

It's a meditative practice where you observe Your thoughts and you don't engage in Your thoughts. And then you filter through those actively as a practice to direct Your thoughts. So it's not sitting in stillness and saying, ohms, which is still fun because you can still think about Your thinking. I like to think of it where, this is gonna sound funny, funny, but I think of it where there are cases where violence is necessary. And if our mind's trying to tell us that we suck,

Sherisse Alexander (23:58)
There it is.

Kyle Smith (24:24)
I think that it is totally okay for us to be violent to prove it other ones. So I'm going to deny Your statement and I'm going to do what I say I'm going to do to let you know that I don't suck. Cause then what happens as a side effect, because we have a negativity bias. So negativity is our common base, which is useful back when we had saber tooth tiger, wrestling bushes is if, is it going to be food or are we going to be food?

Sherisse Alexander (24:41)
Yep.

Yes.

Kyle Smith (24:53)
We don't have the threats that we used to as often. However, we have that negativity bias, so we see things that are not threats as threats because that we're just going into the field. We're just accepting that feel. And so, this is definitely tangenty, but it's imposing order on the chaos that's going that...

we naturally veer towards. And that's known as psychic entropy, where if we don't impose order, then our mind is going to veer towards chaos. If we're not the authority figure in our mind, then it's going to look for others to be the authority figure. And it's going to go with a chaotic frame because that's what happens when there is not order imposed into a structure. It veers towards chaos naturally. So active participation in directing the thought.

prevents chaos, creates order, and in that order we experience presence.

Sherisse Alexander (25:57)
You know, when you put it like that, who was I talking to this week? was having actually I find myself having these conversations all the time where I'm saying pretty well exactly what you said, which is like become the spectator in Your own movie. I know it's hard, especially when the emotions are like, so you're in it, you're gripped in it. How do I take a step back and just gently observe what's going on?

Kyle Smith (26:24)
Don't write down the story that's hard.

Write it down that it's easy and it'll at least alleviate resistance.

Sherisse Alexander (26:34)
Yeah, I mean, again, it's verbiage, right? Totally. You know, it's a and what I mean when I say that is like the first time I heard somebody say that, you know, and it was don't be the spectator, like be the spectator in Your own movie. And and it was like, all these things were coming at me, allowing me to be the spectator. Just like, oh, damn it. No, I'm in it. I'm going to be the actor. I'm going to be I'm going to win an award for this. And then once I started doing it,

It's funny because it becomes increasingly, well, it's practice, right? So it's like, now I'm like, I'm going to put a pin in this emotion. I'm just going to watch how this unfolds. and it's actually really rewarding when you can now take that experience away, jot down Your thoughts on it. What were Your observations? Like you're really treating it in a very scientific method when you're really just observing and documenting what

the experience, what the feelings were, maybe even what the story was. Is there truth in it? Is there a different way I can flip this and the different perspectives that we can have on any given situation? For you, what has been the most rewarding part of Your journey as a clarity consultant?

Kyle Smith (27:47)
Ooh, this is cool. So an interesting side effect of more presence is that there's more energy neutrality or indifference. So I would say that I am, if not already there, very close to describing myself as untriggerable.

Sherisse Alexander (28:10)
Ugh, aren't we all trying to get there? Like, what's the secret song?

Kyle Smith (28:14)
My friend, my friend, some people are trigger happy. that's the thing. It's like, I understand that I'm weird in this particular realm. don't think that people actually know, I'm not gonna say that because that's too many. Oftentimes.

I think folks don't see that there is an alternate option. And then if they, let's say for example, because I will say that I perceive like things nowadays where people are veering more towards having that victim mentality and receiving something from it. And if there's more people that are trigger happy that

Sherisse Alexander (28:53)
Yep.

Kyle Smith (29:02)
And then there's one person that wants to be untriggerable, then they risk being rejected from the crew, which some people don't want to do. So I think that untriggerable is absolutely an option.

Sherisse Alexander (29:16)
I love, I really, and so when I say, thought, okay, this is me being very myopic. doesn't everybody want to be a triggerable? I certainly, I'm saying this today to somebody where I was like, you know, if you think about it, if Your external stimuli has that much control over Your thoughts, Your feelings, then that means you are never going to be the master of anything. Like you can never be the master of yourself.

you know, the experience that you're having, so on and so forth. So, and I said a few years ago to somebody like they, I think they were apologizing for something and I was like, you don't need to apologize. I said, you're not responsible for my happiness. That's wholly my decision. and I'm personally trying to get to the place where whatever you do has absolutely no bearing on me. It's simply an observation of yes, I want this experience. No, thank you. I'm going to sign up for something else and I'm not participating in whatever.

drama and trauma you're trying to create in Your world. yeah, I'm signing up for. Yeah, yeah, I am signing up for Untriggerable. That is my goal. In fact, there's a visual of me in this desert with this whirling dervish of a sandstorm around me. And I am totally zen and peaceful. Like you are not going to mess me up today. So I'm signing up for that one. That's a great one. I love that.

Kyle Smith (30:40)
And to add to that part as well, with that, where it's untriggerable, so I'm a pretty solid state where its presence is joy. Like I'm a good vibe individual. And that was a character that I wanted to embody a couple of years back. And I wrote down, I want to be a person who has undeniably good vibes. And so the thing that's cool with this practice,

Because my emotions don't fluctuate in peaks and valleys. It's really chill. So if it's like a intensity of one to 10, 10 being the most intense, I like to hang out around four, five, six. That's my sweet spot. My Goldilocks zone. However, when I get to work with people, because people are experiencing these like some emotions for not the first time, like there's themes like they could have sadness, happiness, all those things, like the emotions. However, when...

it's cool being able to see someone experience something so profound in a short period of time and or profound or insightful or encouraging or releasing where it's

Because over time, as you go through more stories, Your thoughts become more refined and there's less distraction coming in. And so when I get to work with someone, it's being able to see something that I don't experience super often where it's a huge increase or decrease of emotions. So it's fun hearing the stories and being able to know that more or less they just had, this is gonna sound funny.

They just had an emotional dump, like a physical, not like a full on, which I have heard stories of that. However, like an emotional just, my gosh. So it's cool seeing that. And that's inspiring to me.

Sherisse Alexander (32:33)
Yeah.

curious because you said like, you don't have these large variation in Your emotions. You like to hang out or somewhere between four and six. So, but you're a high vibe guy. that, so generally speaking, I just want to make sure I understand it. So generally speaking, you're rolling around in life on the more positive high vibe and, the variation within that is just really a couple of degrees. you, you would never show up or not never, but rarely show up in like a low vibe.

Kyle Smith (33:08)
Yeah. Huh. And it takes a lot for me to go into a little vibe.

Sherisse Alexander (33:14)
How'd you get there? Just this continued practice?

Kyle Smith (33:19)
So there's so a couple of things, cause this is a cool conversation. Cause I haven't had this interesting talk about my vibes overall. Cause it so.

It is so indicators.

Let's see. I have a couple of frames that I have in order to create as much peace in my mind as possible. And I think specifically with my mind because it is the only thing that I have control of. And that's my physical body after that. my focus is to remove distractions. Distractions keep me away from my goals. So then it goes to what, how do I define distractions?

Okay. In my physical world, anything outside of my five foot radius does not, it doesn't need any of my attention. If it's an emergency, if it's an emergency dial 911, everything else can wait. So I'm just going to like go off of a couple frames because this is like a fun one. So as long as I'm within my five foot radius, I have distance and control of what goes on. So even if I'm in a public place,

That five foot radius is the only thing that I have control of. say for example, I don't anticipate this happening really at all, just because I'm chill. But let's say someone was feeling rowdy and they just wanted to come at me. I know that if they're at seven feet, then I have a really good opportunity to be able to deescalate the situation. They come into that five foot radius, then I'm going to have a little bit more of an alertness to it.

Sherisse Alexander (34:37)
Yeah.

Kyle Smith (35:04)
I try to keep my in the present moment. What is the appropriate level for the present moment? I'm hanging out with you on a podcast on a Saturday. I'm chill. I don't need to be wound up. I'm having a good time. So if we can make ourselves feel shitty for no reason, we can make ourselves feel good for no reason. And a couple other parts as well is when it comes to distractions is I keep, I

I'm very intentional with the content that I consume. So let's say for example, I don't watch a lot of, I don't spend a lot of time on social media period. then you can see the consistencies along all my feeds. Another thing is I think that there is a narrative structure. So let's say it's like a societal thing, a narrative structure that states everyone has to care about everything at all times.

Sherisse Alexander (35:36)
Yes.

Yeah.

Kyle Smith (36:05)
I think that's stupid.

Sherisse Alexander (36:07)
I think that's a lot of distraction.

Kyle Smith (36:09)
It is. If we're trying to care about everything, then we're not a part of the solution of s***.

Sherisse Alexander (36:13)
Yep, because that's you're really spreading yourself then that's a lot of bandwidth.

Kyle Smith (36:19)
So my mantra is if I am not actively participating in the progress of the solution or in the progress of solving the problem, then I decrease my attention to it. I don't invest or spend my attention towards something, which some folks I could see they may not like it. However, I also don't care.

And I want to be a part of a solution that's super big, like a grand one. Because if I can only solve one thing in my life, then I'm going to solve something cool. And then what else contributes to my chillness?

Sherisse Alexander (36:53)
Yeah.

Kyle Smith (37:03)
I think just having an awareness of where I am, what I'm doing, and then also,

having an awareness of what I am capable of in a situation that I am prepared to the best of my ability for. And so for that, when I think ahead, so I don't have anxiety in the form of anticipation of future pain because I frame the journey and then I act on the journey. And so when I'm going out for a walk, that's where I'm doing the work. When I come to a laptop, I'm just doing the stuff that I already thought of

Sherisse Alexander (37:41)
Right.

Kyle Smith (37:42)
And so I try to make things so stupid or so simple, I feel stupid not doing it.

Sherisse Alexander (37:48)
Yeah, you know, that speaks a lot to like the work. I think you and I chatted about this as well, like Joe dispense. And even when you talk about Kobe Bryant, which it was like any of the greats, any of the goats, any of the greats out there, you know, that visualization it's you're just practicing, right? Constantly practicing. And so by the time you actually, you've already practiced it a bazillion times in Your mind and convinced yourself that right now here in the present, you've already done that super successful thing that you want to do that when it comes, you're not even surprised.

That's why when people are like, you know, I thought you'd be celebrating for now. I already been practicing this for three months. So this being here is not a surprise because I've already envisioned this in my mind. And I think that's really what you're talking about. You're already practicing and doing all the work in many different ways that you're not surprised when it happens. So there is no anxiety because you've already practiced for it. So, yeah.

Kyle Smith (38:40)
So

yeah, it's like really cleaning things down. Also, I didn't finish up on S and E for MLSC.

Sherisse Alexander (38:47)
yeah. They're kind of important.

Kyle Smith (38:51)
It's really short because we can put a lot of context in between. So the S somatic is of the body and it's the physical body and the emotional body. The physical body is passive. If we cut our finger, it'll over time, it'll heal. Our autonomic system is running its stuff while you and I are chatting. Like the heart, the heartbeat's beaten. Lungs are breathing. Things are their thing. Yeah. Totally. And

Sherisse Alexander (39:14)
You're doing. You don't have to think about it.

Kyle Smith (39:19)
The breath is the part where we can influence our autonomic nervous system. So that's where the breath work aspect comes in. We're having a dialogue between the mind and the body. we go to the emotional body and that is the energetic body, emotion, energy and motion. the emotional body requires our active participation in the processing of unmetabolized emotions. So we have the story in our emotional body.

And we say, with time, the body's going to heal itself. So with time, the emotions will heal itself. Not true. The emotional body is timeless. The physical body is time bound. And so we go into the story. So we get this dialogue where it's the physical body, the emotional body, the breath, the brain.

Sherisse Alexander (40:02)
Yeah.

that.

Kyle Smith (40:14)
And then with all of that combined, we go into E, which is experience, and it's experiencing at real time, real time changes.

Sherisse Alexander (40:22)
And for listeners, I can't tell you, Kyle and I worked on this last week and it was the coolest experience. was blown away. My mind was blown at how we took that first statement and I actually have it here. I brought it with me today. How we went from, I want to empower people to make decisions in their communication and hold their feet to the fire more.

to the final version, which was I empower myself to make decisions and hold myself accountable because I do live authentically and how different those statements are. But by the time we had gotten to that, I was like, yeah, that feels really good. That feels genuine. It feels authentic. feels real. really what I was trying to, so now I'm looking at like all the things I'm saying and all the experiences that are showing up and I'm saying to myself, okay,

What am I missing here? You know, if there's something that presents itself that I don't particularly enjoy, I'm definitely asking myself better questions. Okay. What am I saying? What am I putting out there? What am I energetically calling in that this experience is present here? There's something to learn. So, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I wax eloquent about you enough because it was so cool. Cause I'm always telling people words have weight and they have power.

So you showed me very clearly how even for somebody who tries to be very mindful about the things that I say, how, there's still so much work to do.

Kyle Smith (42:03)
I think it was a really cool experience. It was awesome because you can sense a vibe change when people are doing it too. So that's a cool aspect of it where it's like the flow of it and then seeing the aha moments. It's beautiful.

Sherisse Alexander (42:19)
It was, it was fantastic, which is a great segue into, you know, for the listeners, what are some actionable steps that they could take today to start gaining some clarity like right now in this moment.

Kyle Smith (42:33)
the, I'll share this one. This'll be an addition to what I already shared with you before. It'll be fresh. the easiest thing is filtering through soft talk and solid talk. soft talk. Yeah. I talked, I talked about this with you before. So soft talk is ambiguous, unclear, indecisive. I might go to the party for 5pm. I could make it to the party for 5pm. I should make it to the party for 5pm.

Sherisse Alexander (42:52)
Yep.

Kyle Smith (43:02)
I might go to the party for 5 p.m. I kinda wanna be at the party for 5 p.m. And there's a couple more. When there is a sentence or a statement that can be followed up with a question, then it's not solid enough. So then we take out the soft talk word, the maybes, the mights, the coulds, the shoulds, and then we just make the decision.

I'm going to make it to the party for 5pm. I'm not going to make it to the party for 5pm or I am undecided. I'll get back to you. And so when we remove those probabilities, those ambiguous words and we'll see it first in our texts, we'll see it in the texts. Then we'll think about it more often when we're having a conversation and then hear it everywhere.

because there's a lot of soft talkers out there. There's a lot of indecisive and ambiguous, unclear individuals. And it is interesting. And when you see, and when you have the solid talk and you're making a decision, I like to think of this as microdosing decision-making. So then if we're making a decision and we commit to that decision, then what happens is we feel more competent in our decision-making.

Sherisse Alexander (44:22)
Yeah.

Kyle Smith (44:22)
Yeah. Because

if we can make the small decisions, then those big decisions are going to be a lot easier to take on. So if there's a statement that can be followed up with a question because it's ambiguous and it's not a good answer, take out the soft talk and commit. then feels decision making follows real real quick.

Sherisse Alexander (44:45)
Yeah, because you've now you've committed in speech and you know, begins with the thought and then what we say and then what we do and there you go. Funnily enough, after that conversation about soft talk versus solid talk, what was I faced with this year or this last week was like, why is there so much like indecision in my world?

a whole journal entry on all the indecisiveness in my world. And it was just a very clear realization exactly what you said, be convicted in what it is that you want and go forth. I'm curious, how, if at all, do societal and cultural norms influence what it is that you do or do they at all?

Kyle Smith (45:34)
That's cool question. Damn, I like it. You know what? I actually think of myself as, or not myself, this practice as a, almost as a counterculture. Because I do believe it's going to, it's going to turn into much more of a community. And the way that is at a counterculture is because the focus is becoming a,

autonomous, decisive, independent individual. rather than trying to change society to fit the narrative that we don't live up to ourselves, we create our own narrative and live up to that. And so I think that present day right now, we live in a comfort crisis. People are looking for direction and

when they don't have a filter for direction, it's going to, it's not going to work out well. So it's creating that internal direction. So the main focus is

teaching people how to think rather than what to think. That one's huge. And,

Sherisse Alexander (46:41)
Yep.

Kyle Smith (46:49)
I think that the gap in most cases is rooted in how someone is utilizing the technology that they have. So similar baseline. And if someone has a phone and they're using it to consume content rather than create content, for example, then what's going to happen is they're going to find themselves trapped and

set in this internet world. They're not using the tool to figure out how to solve the problems that they're in. And when I think, yeah, I'm also thinking out loud on this one. And I think the main thing is I think that folks are dependent, are heavily dependent on everything outside of them, giving them the answers and the solutions and the frameworks and the road maps.

And people are not figuring things out themselves. They don't encourage their own creativity and they're not going along with that route, which to me, it, we have like such a cool chance in this moment in time that is so unique. And people are just trying to race to the future. They're trying to pull the past to the present. it's like, yo, yo, yo, this is, this is it.

You're only going to have on average 80 to 100 years on this planet. And it's like, if there's autonomous action takers rather than dependent dwellers, there's going to be a lot of creativity and lot of solution making.

Sherisse Alexander (48:21)
time.

Yeah, but you know, and that's a really great point about, you know, people constantly seeking and searching outside of themselves. And I just had this conversation, all these things I literally just talked about this week, but I was saying that to somebody. was saying, you know, when we look outside of ourselves or when we pin our happiness, our joy, our fulfillment, all of these things on an external party in relationship,

Number one, it's not fair to that person. It is an absolute set up for failure because that person is human and that person is going to be literally trekking along in their own life, doing their own thing, completely oblivious to all Your known and unknown triggers. And that's a huge order to place on someone. Number one. Number two, it's not fair even to yourself because you're, you're giving away Your power. You're saying,

You are going to be the master of my joy, my peace, my happiness, all of these things. And I think really what it boils down to is a lack of, we've been really spoon fed over the decades and the centuries to rely on something outside of ourselves when inherently we are all our own guru, we all have intuition. And so I think what I've started to do with the people that I'm in relationship with is encourage that. Take a risk.

Just a little one, a teeny tiny one every single day. Listen to the voice inside of yourself. gut would call it whatever you want intuition, gut instinct, the whispers in Your ears, whatever you call it, listen to it and all in the tiny things. And as you practice and you exercise that muscle, you will really start to listen to yourself and make decisions that nobody will understand. And that's really okay. And that's really when you start to live authentically.

for yourself and without somebody else's story. And that's really, think, the journey to internal peace or to be untriggerable. I, again, for the record, I want to be untriggerable.

Kyle Smith (50:40)
You will be. You are. Yes.

Sherisse Alexander (50:42)
I, I, I, you know what, you're right. I am untriggerable. Not I'm

Kyle Smith (50:49)
And think of this, if there's evidence that you've experienced in the past where it could have been trigger worthy and you did not get triggered, that is evidence that you are untriggerable.

Sherisse Alexander (51:01)
100 % their husband. This last year alone has been like one of those years where I look back and I'm like, wow, I could have totally reacted different in that scenario. Like, and I mean, like I could have lost my mind over whatever scenario played out, but I didn't. I took the emotion literally, and this is the visualization, took the emotion, put a pin on the board.

wrote what I was feeling and said, I'm going come back to that later because I've got things to do and that is a distraction. So I'm just going to pull myself out of going down that rabbit hole. Just as we wrap up, what's one piece of advice you wish you had received earlier in Your experience, in Your journey, in Your career? This particular career.

Kyle Smith (51:47)
Mmm

I'm gonna read this one in, this is a good one.

Sherisse Alexander (51:50)
love that you're actually breathing this in right now.

Kyle Smith (51:54)
Well, sometimes, well, it's asking the question and seeing what the feels come up. it's like, it's a, to me, it's a way for me to figure out if it's a real answer, not just.

random one or a cookie cutter one.

Sherisse Alexander (52:11)
I appreciate it.

Kyle Smith (52:12)
Let's see. Ask me the question one more time, because I like this one.

Sherisse Alexander (52:18)
What's one piece of advice you wish you had received earlier in this journey specific to all this melding of mind and body in this experience?

Kyle Smith (52:31)
Mmm.

You know what? A reflection came up that I had had.

Yeah, yeah, I'll go with this one because it's pretty on point for what we're talking about too. I was walking once and this would be something that I would go even further back and aim for. And the reflection was...

if I didn't know how to go.

If I didn't consciously step in my way, what would I intuitively be drawn to doing?

Hmm. So if my if, if my, if my consciousness didn't get in the way, so yeah, my consciousness didn't get in the way. Yeah. What would I intuitively be drawn to doing? if I wasn't thinking about what to do, what would I be intuitively pulled to do? Because I think it's our conscious thought that brings in the distractions. And it's our intuitive thought.

Sherisse Alexander (53:12)
One more time.

Kyle Smith (53:37)
that we bury down with distractions so we don't hear it. So we remove the consciousness. Okay, that sounds weird, but we've

participate in more presence and then use that intuition as a compass to direct decisions and

The way I think of it is...

is being in that practice or being in that flow where it creates peace. So if I'm not thinking about what to do and putting this pressure or negative narratives, even helpful narratives, if I was being, what would I be doing intuitively?

Sherisse Alexander (54:19)
That's great. I've never heard it quite phrased like that. if you consciously don't step in Your own way and allow yourself to be intuitively guided, what would you be doing? how would you basically address, make this decision? exactly. That is a good one. Thank you. Is that Your key takeaway for listeners today? Because that's the next question.

What's key takeaway for listeners today?

Kyle Smith (54:51)
I'll give a, I'll give a mantra of mine, another one that I like, and it's to keep up kindness. the way that I perceive kindness is not as an emotion. And I also don't see kindness as a form of passivity. It's not a passive approach. So it's not an emotion and it's not a passive. I also believe that when we see kindness, we recognize kindness. Like we can say, That, that was a really kind thing that that person did.

We recognize kindness. So to me that means that we can embody and practice kindness and it's observable.

Sherisse Alexander (55:28)
It's action. It's

observed through action. Yeah. Sorry, go ahead.

Kyle Smith (55:33)
And so it's a practice. And so by keeping up the kindness, directing it inwards first, then it projects outwards, we're going to find ourselves in a much more chill environment. Because if we're being kind to ourselves, we're going to be kind to others. And even if people are assholes, I like to think, okay, someone could have could have been an asshole to me. However, if I was kind to them, and I'm untriggerable, then they look like the fool.

Sherisse Alexander (56:01)
Exactly.

Kyle Smith (56:02)
Actually, okay, this is a cool take away. I'll share this one. This will be my last one. I So keep up the kindness and then I have a story and it's about a monk and it was a monk that would go from town to town and was chatting about What he believed in just sharing his knowledge bombs. He was in this one town. He was in the square underneath this tree and the town folk were sitting around this monk listening to the knowledge

And there's this one fellow that stood up, was pissed off, and he said, who do you think you are to tell us what to do? You're just as dumb as the rest of us. And so the monk calmly responded.

If you were to purchase a gift and you were to give that gift to someone and they didn't accept it, who's the owner of the gift? And the furious man said, well, I would be the owner of the gift, obviously. And the monk responded, Your anger is the gift you're trying to give me. And I don't accept.

Sherisse Alexander (57:14)
Yeah. you got so many of them. You know, I often say to people, you know, I think generally I'm somebody who is perceived as being unflappable, untriggerable. And, so when I'm, I'm, when I'm talking to people, I work with quite a few folks who I'm going to use the word passionate. They're very outwardly passionate.

I'm aka angry. Yeah. yeah.

Kyle Smith (57:48)
Hey

So I say, I'm just passionate, I'm not angry. I'm like, no, you have no emotional regulation and I don't understand a word you're saying.

Sherisse Alexander (57:58)
But I do find myself saying to people like, have you ever tried arguing with somebody who refuses to engage with you? they, and they're, they're like, they're literally working themselves into a lather. Like they're, they're spittle and veins are bulging and, you're just sitting there and you're just like, and some people might look at that as being weak, but I just look at it as being like untriggerable. Like I can look at that person and, and this has obviously happened. And I'm just like, you know,

I'm not really sure what's bothering that person, but I know it has absolutely zero to do with me. Like I don't know where that's coming from. That is not me. I know what I give and what I give generally speaking, where like has never warranted that kind of a response. So and when you see it, I actually find it laughable. I to me, it's highly entertaining watching somebody get real riled up for zero. So that's a good one, though.

For the guests or the audience, where can they find you? How do they find you? Where are you?

Kyle Smith (59:02)
Well, definitely on the internet. If you want to check out my website, it's clarityconsultant.ca. And if they want to check out my socials, it's dapperdudekyle, D-A-P-P-E-R, D-U-D-E-K-Y-L-E, everywhere, even on my chess.com account. And then if they want to have a conversation, Instagram has the fastest response time.

Sherisse Alexander (59:28)
Well, I'll make sure to include all of Your links in the info and show notes and that sort of thing. I love connecting with you. This has been, I think you're super duper fascinating. And I just, again, feel so blessed that I was able to connect with you and have my own.

somatic experience that was like mind blowing to be honest with you. was just like, wow, that that is new. It's not that it was new. It's that I'd never been so intentional with it. That's what was very different. It was so intentional, like with saying the thing and then taking a breath and seeing how it showed up in my body. That was that was very, very intentional. And so with heartfelt gratitude, thank you.

for the introduction and thank you for sharing Your time today and all that you have to share with others. I appreciate it.

Kyle Smith (1:00:26)
Likewise, thank you for having me on and you know what? Game recognizes game. You're a rock star.

Sherisse Alexander (1:00:32)
Thank you. Each one to teach one. You know, that's, think, really what the journey is about. Just do what I can in my five feet.

Kyle Smith (1:00:42)
Yeah, exactly.

Sherisse (1:00:45)
Thank you again for joining myself and Kyle Smith on today's episode where we spoke about neuro-linguistic somatic experience. So as always, I hope that this one additional tool might be something that you can use in your day-to-day to help you really navigate and figure out the things that, you know, because it's not always so straightforward. anyways.

If you enjoy the content, always, please like, subscribe, follow, send me an email, send me a message on Instagram. And until next time, please take care of yourselves.